Job Struggles

Well as you know, I found a job, and I've been there for just over five months now.  But this job I have has had its struggles.  I don't feel like I'm the best fit here.  In too many ways is the job not challenging and then in other ways it's too challenging.  I have already started looking at other jobs just five months in.  I've applied for three so far; waiting to hear back from them.

You're probably wondering what my specific struggles are.  They are:

- My boss gives me anxiety
The owner of the company is my boss and he's the one that usually has me do stuff.  I am scared of him.  He's never yelled at me, but I've heard him yell at others.  He can be hard to understand and forgetful as he's old and not a natural born U.S. citizen.  But every time he walks by my desk, I get a panicked rush of anxiety.  It's gotten to the point where I avoid being at my desk if I know he's about to walk by (such as returning from the restroom).  My desk just happens to be right by the door, by the way.  Fortunately, he's not in the office every day, as he travels overseas a lot (to discuss business ventures with international companies), and he goes to his farm on the eastern part of the state.  I'd say he's in the office half of the time, if that.  It's lucky for me he's not in the office all the time, because I don't think I could handle it if he was.

- Not having enough to do
With the owner AKA my boss not in the office all the time, I'm often left with little or nothing to do.  That's one of the reasons I'm doing this post during working hours, because I have nothing to do, really.  I actually don't mind it too much, so long as my boss isn't in the office at the same time.  But I have this nagging feeling like I'm wasting my time and life, because I'm not being productive by learning something new or getting experience doing something.  I try to remain productive in these periods by practicing Excel and learning about it, but it gets to a point where it's just not fun anymore if you don't have a certain end goal in mind.  So I end up doing blog posts like these, I browse news on the internet, and I try to learn trivia and facts, in case I ever try out for Jeopardy. 

- Not making enough
I just don't make enough money doing what I do.  I won't say how much I make now, but I made more as a journeyman food clerk at Safeway.  As is the case with most people, the more money I make, the more shit I can put up with.  I guess I make the right amount considering all the free time I have, but I'd so much rather be busier and make more money.  As far as I can tell, there's not really an opportunity for me to advance in the company, not that I'd want to.  I certainly can't rely on making this amount for a long period of time.

- Not my area of interest/not enough care
I work for an Aviation company, which I've never been interested in.  I just got the first office job I could.  I don't really care about the company too much, not even having heard of them before working here.  My coworkers are all right, but I work with a lot of ethnically diverse people, which I certainly am not.  I'm a U.S. citizen born and raised, and I've only left the country once and the continental U.S. once (separate times).  I don't know a second language fluently, although pretty much everyone I work with does.

I am going to keep looking at jobs.  I have even applied for these jobs at work.  How bad is that?  They don't check our history, although I know I should be careful.  I just want to do something different, hopefully something I can care a bit more about and be busier doing, with a boss that gives me less anxiety.