Another situation

As I posted earlier, I had a living situation involving a former roommate of mine.  My girlfriend and I are now living on our own, just the two of us.   But I now have a new situation to deal with, one I hope gets resolved sort of soon.  It's been giving me a decent amount of stress and anxiety the last few months.

With COVID-19, I have been out of work.  My employer put me "on standby".  It's like a suspension, but not because of anything I did.  This started in the middle of March, so it has been 4 months since then.

I applied for unemployment not long after being put "on standby" to be able to afford rent, food, and other bills.  My employer suggested I do this, and without it, I would not have been able to afford rent for this long.  

At first, I was grateful for the extra time as we had just moved.  It gave me ample time to unpack, set things up, and decorate our new place. 

But after finishing unpacking and decorating, I am left with very little to do.  This isn't really a problem for me per se, but I have come to realize something.  I don't really want to return to my old job.  I'm not going to get into the specifics, but I just would really like to move on to something else, if possible.

I have thought during these 4 months that it would be a good opportunity to leave my current employer.  I would be able to tell them that I couldn't wait anymore.  However, finding a new job has been a bit of a problem. 

I don't want to go back to retail, although I have greatly considered it.  My preferred choice would be working for Amazon in a warehouse.  However, they haven't had hardly any full time openings this entire four months.  Surprising, right?  I've seen some part time, but that's not worth leaving my current job.

I did see a full time position for Amazon back in April.  I even set up a virtual appointment.  But I backed out, and I did that for three reasons.  One, it was at the Everett warehouse which is actually further away from me than the Kirkland one.  Two, they were very early hours that I didn't like a ton.  And three, I was thinking something a little better would turn up.  Wrong.  But hindsight is 20/20.  

I have talked to my parents about this and my girlfriend.  It hasn't helped much.  I just want a job that makes enough that I can do despite my anxiety.  I have looked almost every day during this pandemic.  I have spent hours and hours thinking and considering different options, and I am no closer now to a new job than I was months ago.  

It doesn't help that the pandemic isn't going away.  It doesn't help that the infected numbers keep going up.  I honestly hate not having something to do, but I am too anxious and introverted to pursue a new job, especially since I have a safety net in my current "job".  

A part of me wonders if my current job will still be available when the pandemic ends.  Perhaps my company won't be able to afford me anymore.  I don't exactly have a job that is absolutely mandatory for them.  I believe my position was vacant for around 6 months before they hired me.  And with this pandemic, who knows how that will affect our company.  I haven't heard from them in months.  

I'm just going to take things day by day.  With my anxiety, it's not really worth going after a new job unless it's near perfect for me (which is RARE).  If I get contacted by my old job saying they can no longer afford me, I will apply for multiple jobs that same day (including retail).  I will do whatever it takes to get a job that makes just as much.  

If I get contacted by my old job and they want me back, I will go back to them.  It will be very weird, and I feel with all this time off I will have forgotten a lot of things.  Hopefully they would give me plenty of time to get reacquainted and familiar with things.  Until then, thanks for listening/reading.  I'll update if there are any developments.

Update, September 2020: Well, I got a new job!  I now work with a mortgage broker (which I never would have expected), but it's a job I can definitely handle.  I think I found perhaps the best fit for me given my anxiety and lack of education.  It's the first job I've had that (so far) I haven't had to deal with any panic attacks.  It's also a typical Mon-Fri job, so I get weekends and holidays off, yay!  And the best part, IMO, is that I am making more than I did at ASSIC or Safeway.  Yep.  I mean, it's all I could really hope for.