I don't think anyone close to me reads this blog, so I feel free to talk about it here. I just need to get this off my chest, and it's good to write it out and basically think "out loud" by typing it out.
Amanda and I have been living with a roommate for almost three years now. He's one of our best friends. We took him in to our one bedroom apartment at Bridlewood in March of 2017. He basically lived in our dining room at that time. We took him in because he had been kicked out of his childhood home, and then after that lived in a cramped room with a bad tenant who kept increasing rent on him that he could not afford. It was not a good situation for him, and as his friend, we took him in.
We then made the decision to get a two bedroom apartment with him so that he was not so cramped. We moved to our current place of residence, Hunter's Run (Now called "Scout Apartments") in September of 2017, just six months later. The rent is fairly steep, coming to between 6 to 7 hundred dollars for each of us.
This roommate and friend of mine has not been able to pay me his full rent share, outside of when he gets money back on his taxes. This leaves me to pay for more than I should have to, because the rent comes out of my checking account. He has insisted he will pay me back some day, but when I see him buy unnecessary things or not cut back on his energy use, I question that. I have even taken money off this tab he owes me for when he's cleaned the apartment or gotten me something outside of birthdays and Christmas. I even took money off his tab when I won almost $2,000 in the Monopoly Safeway game, even though I didn't have to. For some reason, he's stopped doing things like cleaning the apartment.
Supporting him has caused my savings to take quite a hit. After our one year lease was up in September 2018, I already wanted to move again. But we didn't, because Amanda did not want to move in back-to-back years. I begged and pleaded with her, but ultimately I relented, and we signed on for another year.
That year passes, it's now September 2019, and my savings have taken an even bigger hit. I lost my job in April, which was a huge cause of it. I again tell Amanda I don't want to live there another year. But because I had yet to find a job at the time of our lease renewal, we were unable to move. She was willing to move then, but a new tenant probably wouldn't have taken us on with me unemployed. Interestingly, our lease renewal we received at this time was only for eight months, until April of 2020. We believe that is because of the massive renovations happening at our apartment complex; they will probably not let us live in our current apartment past April 2020 because it needs to be remodeled.
I have firmly convinced Amanda that we need to move in 2020. I mean, we'll have to, since our lease management will need to have people remodel our apartment. My girlfriend has already looked at a potential new complex for us to move to; a one bedroom that we could afford, although barely. We actually toured there back in August, and we liked what we saw. It's just unfortunate that I was unable to find a job in time for us to move back then.
This roommate and friend of ours will have to find a new place to live, and it won't be with us. I cannot support him for another 8 months, let alone a year or more. I won't say how much he owes me here, but it's enough to make us both hate it. He did get a girlfriend a few months ago, so hopefully for him they can either live together, or she or us can help him find a new place. He does not drive, so he would have to find a place within walking distance of his work, which greatly restricts his housing possibilities. So besides covering part of his rent each month, we have also given him rides to various places and even fed him at times. We have provided him food countless amounts of times.
If I could go back in time, I don't think I would've taken him in, not even to our cramped apartment at Bridlewood. He has cost me so much in my savings, that savings I worked years and years in retail for. I was going to use that savings for mine and Amanda's future: a wedding, traveling, perhaps kids. But because we chose to take him in, that has set Amanda and me back several years, and it will take even more to recover from. Amanda and I are both already in our thirties, and I feel like we'll be near our forties before we're able to do those things.
I honestly wish nothing but the best for this roommate and friend of ours. I'm going to have to tell him sometime soon that we won't be able to continue to live with him, and I'm worried to how he's going to take it. He should be grateful for everything we've done for him. I hope he doesn't beg and plead to continue to live with us, because that's unfair to us. Even in a one bedroom apartment which we could afford with him, it's not fair to us or him to have to go through that again. We will help him find a place (if need be) and help him move (Getting a moving van, loading it and unloading it). And once we have each found new places to live, I will not give up on getting my money he owes me. Even if it's only $20-$50 a month he can give me, at least it would be something.
I just wish I had never gotten myself into this mess. I will admit living with this friend of mine has caused a few fights and tested our friendship, but I really hope we remain friends after this, especially since he owes me so much money. It would be quite petty of him to not want to be friends anymore after this. I just liked it more when we were friends that didn't live together and hung out one or two times a week. Living together can make any two friends fight on occasion, which is never good for a friendship. But the more time went on, the more the little things bothered me because I would just remember each time how much money he owes me.
My original plan was to tell him mid-January. I talked with my girlfriend about it and she convinced me to wait until late February/early March. That way, it'll be after both of our birthdays, and if he decides to hold a grudge, then at least it won't ruin our birthdays and we won't have to deal with it for too long.
If he takes it really really badly, I won't help him move. I won't help him find a new place. What we've done for him, mainly, what I've done for him, is something that VERY FEW people would do. I've let him use my savings as a way of having a roof over his head for three years, and he's not even related to me. His own parents can't help him.
So I've theorized that he can react one of three ways. From best to worst:
1) He says he saw it coming, and he thinks he has something worked out with his girlfriend. Or he says that he understands, but still might need help finding a place
2) He asks a few of the questions above to try to get us to change our minds, but ultimately understands.
3) He gives us the silent treatment or is angry for the rest of his stay with us.
The next time I update this, it will probably be after I have told him. I will share how it went here. I'm very nervous to tell him. He's not mean or spiteful, but he does have this whole "World is out to get me" outlook on life that I know will only contribute to how he feels about the world.
Well, I just told him, and he took it better than I thought. It left Amanda and I with a guilty feeling in our guts, even though we've done a lot for him. He was closest to reaction #1 up there, which is good I guess. He said he's used to it, basically. He didn't really ask many questions, mostly just let us do the talking while he processed it.
I even told him he could put off paying me back for a few months, until he gets settled and everything. I don't want him to worry about that at all while he's moving or getting used to paying rent wherever he goes. Hopefully he can find a place (probably with our help) that he can afford, at least for the most part.
Another update, 2022:
Well, almost three years have passed since these events, and I have a few updates. Amanda and I did find a place in Bothell we could afford. I was at an entry-level job at the time of this post (and when we were looking at new places) that paid just a bit more than minimum wage, but it was a job. The COVID-19 pandemic forced my employer to put me what they called "on standby", which means I was technically still employed, but I was not working nor getting paid. We found a place while I was on standby, and it gave me time to move and unpack and set up at our new place.
I was on standby for five months, and it was towards the end of this five months that I decided I might as well look for a new job. I wasn't particularly happy at that job, and it certainly wasn't paying enough. In August of 2020, I found the job I am currently at, and boy did I luck into it. The role I am in now is damn near perfect for me, it challenges me just enough, and it certainly pays more (and enough). I've only had three jobs in my life, and it's easily the best job I've ever had.
Because of this new job and getting a place that was within my previous job's budget, I am able to build up my savings. Amanda is still at her same job, and unfortunately for her, her commute is kind of rough. It's 45 minutes to an hour through rush hour traffic.
As for my roommate, he did move in with his girlfriend and lived with her for almost two years. And then, a month or two ago, he moved to a small place in Seattle. It's likely one of the only places he could afford. He has complained to us about the noise and his horrible housemates, but there's not a whole lot Amanda and I can do for him.
I've been lenient with him regarding the money he owes; not pressuring him for it really at any point. I received a few stimulus checks during the pandemic, and I credited him half each time. Those largely have made up what money has been taken out of what he owes me. He sends me money through Venmo once every few months, and it's not a lot. I know he got a job at Michaels, but it's unlikely they pay much more than minimum wage to a brand new employee.
And back to Amanda and I, well our first lease we signed was a 16 month lease, so that expires this June. I have heard a lot of people's rent going up, and I'm worried ours will, too. I can handle it financially, but I want to build up my savings so we can ultimately buy a place. Our plan is to re-sign with our lease one more time, and then after that lease is up, buy a place of our own. I work in the mortgage finance industry now, so I would be able to procure our mortgage. They say it's best to buy as soon as you can, but I'm going to work hard to build up my savings.
My next worry is that our friend and former roommate will want to move in to our new place, because we will likely get a two bedroom condo or townhouse. On one hand, I could charge him a small amount of rent (part of which could go towards what he owes me) and get some extra income. On the other hand, it means living with him again, and dealing with him dirtying the place and the wear and tear from him living there. I haven't said this before about him, but he puts a SHIT TON of stuff up on the walls, leaving dozens and dozens of tiny holes in the wall behind. He also isn't particularly clean. Not something I want to deal with in my first ever home I own.
We will likely tell him that we want to start a family and that the second bedroom is for our potential future child, if he asks. If he was a very clean roommate who never got in my way and never made noise or did anything I didn't like and was willing to move out at the drop of a hat, I would want him to live with us and help pay some of that rent back. But that's not the case.
But that's down the line. I may update someday when I have further updates, but for now, that's basically it. Also, I was able to build my savings up enough that I was able to buy a new car, so there's that. 🙂
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