People Depress Me

 I have often muttered to myself, "I hate people."  That's not really true.  I say it because it's short and sweet and an oversimplified version of what I really feel.  To elaborate, I merely hate the actions of people that I witness.  I despise people's choices and their inability to see how they are wrong or lacking intelligence or being rude.  But all of this leads me to believe a different, still simple saying: that people depress me.  It depresses me to know what society has and is coming to.  Here are the types of people that I would say fall under that category, and likely anyone that falls under one of these categories likely falls under multiple categories: 

- Rude and impatient drivers: I've already detailed this not once, but multiple times.  So I won't go into detail here.  But they just have no consideration for other people, largely like others on this list.

- Litterers: I just can't understand this.  Littering makes any area look so much worse.  I see garbage everywhere and wonder what would lead a person to just discard their trash on the ground and not in a proper receptacle.  I've dirtied my jackets and pants pockets with food wrappers instead of littering because I am that against littering.  No scratch that, I did that because I am a decent human being.  I go on jogs a couple times a week, and I often pick up trash while on my jogs.  I also will pick up trash if I'm walking to and from my apartment and I see it.  I wish others would do the same.  But more importantly, I just wish people wouldn't litter.  I know some litter is accidental, but it's largely purposeful and just pisses me off. 

- Retail "Karens": I've seen videos and heard stories of people screaming at retail/service workers over the stupidest things, and I wonder what on earth could lead them to do that?  If I ever received service that was as bad as humanly possible, I wouldn't even stoop that low.  I would leave a bad review and either contact them on their website or contact the store manager.  The "Karens" that do this have clearly never worked in the service industry or have forgotten what it was like to do so.

- Trump supporters: I don't want to get too political here, but Donald Trump was not a good president.  Any independent voter will tell you that.  He mocked someone with a disability, proposed nuking hurricanes and raking up forests, and tried to steal the 2020 election.  And you cannot argue any of those things.  He was caught on tape trying to persuade an election official to find or give him more votes.  So forgive me for losing faith in humanity when I hear of people defending this man and wanting him to become the leader of our country again.

- People who don't follow rules or laws and get away with it: Generally when I think of these kinds of people I think of drivers, such as red-light runners, speeders, people who don't signal when merging, etc,  which would fall under my first category.  But that also includes people who do not renew their vehicle registration tabs.  Why must I pay $100/year to renew my tabs but they don't have to?  But then there are also people who didn't wear masks when signage entering a private business says that they have to.  Also, on my way to work, I pass by a sign that says the road ahead is closed (due to slight flooding), but yet I see people drive down it all the time.  I curse these people.  I take the long way around because I, unlike so many people, abide by the rules.

I'm sure there are others, and if there are, I will add them to this list.  

Dealing with Anxiety at My Current Job

 I've talked about my battles with anxiety before, even with my past job.  It seems as though there are very few jobs, if any, that I'd be capable of doing and would not give me anxiety.  I wish I didn't fret and worry about things all the time, but as anyone who's dealt with anxiety before would understand, I can't help it.  

At my current job, I feel anxious more than I'd like.  I'm the one that puts together loan files, calculates income, basically makes sure people are qualified for a mortgage loan.  If there's ever a file that I'm a bit unsure about, I fret about it until the loan goes CTC (Clear To Close).  

Fortunately, I have ways to reassure myself with files.  I can and have reached out to our processor, who used to work with the lender we use most.  I have access to the entire Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac guidelines, and I have some other coworkers who are pretty knowledgeable, too.  But sometimes, there isn't an answer for a particular subject/question and I am left to worry.  

Whenever there's something we miss or mess up on, it's just ruins my day, especially if it has a chance of denying a loan.  There was one day that I messed up on a number for a tax lien, and I remember going home after work that day and crying.  It was the most I had cried in at least ten years.  I just could not keep my emotions in any longer.  Fortunately, I never got in trouble for that error.  There have been times that I have been borderline yelled at by my boss, which I arduously try to avoid.  

What I also hate is when my boss yells at my coworkers.  Even if it's not me, I feel their residual heat and I can't help but feel awful too, even if the issue is completely and 100% not my fault.  I wish I could be like someone who can deflect that anxiety because they realize it's not on them.  I am not one of those people.

There is hope, however.  I feel like the more I learn, and the more my work gives me experience and knowledge, the more assured I can be with loan files.  I feel like I can eventually get to a point where I am familiar with all kinds of situations, incomes, credit histories, you name it.  That is because I feel like I'm starting to feel that way.  

I am not perfect, but in my position, I'm basically expected to be.  To anyone who might consider a job in my profession, I say I hope you are detail oriented and I hope you don't suffer from anxiety.  Those would be my main two prerequisites for my position.  Unfortunately, I only fulfill one of those requirements.  

But I've got to learn to live with it.  I've got to grow and learn from my mistakes (which I have started to already), and I can't let my anxiety define me or affect my work.  And I hope 6 months or a year from now when I look back at this post, I can say I made some progress.  

Need a New Car

It was a year ago at this time that I was saying to myself, "I need a new job."  Well, it's now a year later and I am now saying, "I need a new car."  I really do.  I have had only one car my entire life.  Any other car I've driven has technically been someone else's.  My Honda Civic has been the only car I've ever owned, and I think it's time to move on.  

My Civic has given me a few problems recently.  When I took it to get its oil changed a few months ago, they told me it had an oil leak.  Before I could get the oil leak fixed, the check engine light came on.  Of course, the light went off before I was able to get the oil leak fixed.  But I was able to get the oil leak fixed.  However, the mechanics told there is a problem with the gear shaft that is a very expensive fix, way more than the value of my car.  I've still been driving my Civic and the check engine light comes on and goes off every few days.

I've had my Civic for 10 years.  It's done a lot for me.  Gotten me to three different jobs in my life.  It's driven me all over the state, from Spokane to Forks to Deception Pass to Leavenworth.  I've only put about 40,000 miles on it in my ten years of owning it.  But it's had its share of issues.  I've not only had problems with oil leaks, but also the steering, brakes, battery, and muffler.  I've probably put twice as much into repairs and maintenance into the car as I spent on it to purchase it.  

I've been fortunate enough to save up money to be able to afford a new car.  I'm just being extremely picky, because this is a huge decision.  This will also be a car I'll want to own, probably for close to a decade.  I know I want something larger like an SUV or a wagon, something I can fit furniture in.  I wish I had a nickel every time I wish my Civic was bigger to be able to transport something.  I also want it to have low miles and be fairly newer.  Yes, I'm shopping used, but preferably slightly used.  Maybe my third car will be a brand new one.  

I am just having the hardest time deciding.  It's like if you got to determine what your kid would be like.  How on earth do you decide?  You almost have to pick a few of your favorites and then pick one at random.  I've seen a couple that I feel like I'd be mostly happy with, but there's always something about the car that I'm not a huge fan of, whether it's the car's lack of horsepower, its low MPG, or its high amount of imperfections (scratches, dents, etc.).

I've been rating each car I find that fulfills at least most of my requirements.  I'm waiting to find one that scores high in each category: price, MPG, horsepower, make/model, and even color.  Like I said, there have been a few that have been close, but were just missing on something.  I'll hopefully find one soon that gives me warm fuzzies and one that people will look at and say, "Yeah, that suits him."   

More ranting about rude and impatient drivers

A while back, I did a post on impatient drivers called, "Impatient Drivers: You are the absolute WORST!"  I thought I'd follow up from that with a few instances of other drivers and what they have done.  

I wanted to say that I have seen more rude and impatient drivers in my 10+ months since starting my new job than in any other 10 month stretch of my life.  It must be the routes I take.  I drive from Bothell to Woodinville each workday and then back.  It's almost a daily occurrence that I see a driver do something rude to me or other drivers, illegal, or both.  

Here are a few of the worst instances:
- I've had two drivers (so far) pass me from a right turn only lane.  Basically, there are three lanes at an intersection.  One is left turn only, one is straight (only), and one is right turn only.  At one of these types of intersections, I had a guy in a giant pickup go straight from the right turn only lane and use it to pass me.  I was so pissed.  I could tell he was using it to pass me on purpose.  There was another instance at a different intersection where someone passed me, but I could tell they were clueless and just thought the right lane was a straight lane as well.  I still honked at them, because they need to pay attention.  Even if you notice it at the very last second, you still have to turn right, and find your way around.  

- I've had so many drivers use a particular lane to pass me.  There's this one intersection where (on my way home), there's a right turn lane, but it is not a right turn only lane.  You can go straight as well, but the lane ends shortly after the intersection.  I wish I had a nickel for every time someone has passed me on this road.  This past week going home, four of the five days some asshole used the right lane to pass me.  It's a rule of thumb while driving that you're not supposed to pass people on the right.  If you go straight from this type of lane, you are not supposed to pass people, you are supposed to yield, signal (it's amazing how many people don't signal), and get in where you can.  You do not speed by everyone you can.  If you do, you are an absolute ASSHOLE.  There's someone that lives in our apartment complex that has done this to me THREE times.  I know he lives in my complex because I followed him home (not intentionally).  He ended up saving maybe two seconds, which is ridiculous.  Anyone that does this: please go re-evaluate your life choices and the type of person you are.

- I once had a speed battle with a giant truck.  I was going along a highway where the speed limit is either 45 or 50.  I got approached fairly fast by a giant Toyota pickup.  I increased my speed, but then so did him.  I kept increasing my speed, but so did him.  He eventually got to a speed of close to 85, 90 miles an hour just to pass me.  Why did he feel this need to pass me?  I only feel the need to pass slow moving vehicles, which I clearly was not.  My only theory is that this man must have the smallest penis in the world, and feels the need to drive like this to overcompensate.  

- I have now seen multiple people blatantly go through a red light.  It's one thing to speed up to a light as it turns yellow, it goes red, and you still gun it through the intersection.  I've done that a few times.  I think we all have.  But it's another to be sitting at an intersection and just blatantly go through a red light and not wait for it to turn green.  I've seen two people do this, both at left turns.  Yes, it was clear, but how can people be so impatient that they cannot wait for a light to turn green?  It's these instances that I wish so hard that a cop saw them and get sweet justice when I see them get pulled over.  But of course, that's never the case.  

To sum up, I've blasted my horn more in the past 10 months than I'd care to admit.  I'm not just going to accept people taking advantage of my (usually) safe and steady driving.  I've seen a lot of law breaking from speeding to not signaling to rolling stops to running red lights.  I swear, the Bothell and Woodinville police departments could make a fortune if they just put more traffic cops out, especially during rush hour.  I know I need to not let it bother me so much.  Sometimes I listen to a video or music and it's enough to distract me from rude drivers, but not always.

I just wish people would drive more courteously.  We all are trying to get someplace and in a timely fashion.  The needs of these assholes that have been rude drivers are not superior to mine or anyone else's.  99.9% of the time these guys are just dicks, and it is not an emergency.  Please, if you are reading this, just drive courteously and don't pass people just because they're in your way.  Don't do anything illegal and put yourself and others in danger.  Just be nice to each other on the road.  Thank you.

Survivor Beauty Awards

Welcome to the first and only ever Survivor Beauty awards!  If you found this post, you probably also saw the Survivor's Hottest Females by Season post I did, where I named the two best-looking women on each season of Survivor.

For this, I will nominate five women for each category and then pick a winner.  Categories will include "Nicest Smile", "Best Ass", "Best personality" and of course, "Best Jugs".

My prerequisites are this:
- No two nominees for an award are allowed from the same season.
- No two nominees for an award are allowed to be the same person (i.e. Parvati from Micronesia, Parvati from Heroes vs. Villains)
- Nominees have to be one of the two hottest from their season that I selected


All right, our first award is... Best smile!  Let's start off nice, shall we?

The nominees are:
Parvati, Cook Islands
Michelle, Fiji
Alexis, Micronesia
Paloma, Gabon
Brenda, Nicaragua

And the award goes to....



Brenda!  She's got a smile that melts my heart.



Our second award is for... hottest lips!  Whose lips would any guy love to kiss and make out with?

The nominees are:
Liliana, Fiji
Jaime, China
Brenda, Nicaragua
Natalie, Redemption Island
Morgan, Cagayan


And the award goes to...



Jaime!  She's got a nice full pair... of lips!




Our third award is for... hottest Asian?  Yes, hottest chick of Asian descent.

The nominees are:
Shii-Ann, Thailand
Michelle, Fiji
Peih-Gee, China
Brenda, Nicaragua
Bi, David vs. Goliath

And the award goes to...

Peih-Gee!  Didn't see that one coming, did you?


Our fourth award is for best petite body.  Who would be most fun to toss around on a bed?

The nominees are:
Paloma, Gabon
Natalie, Samoa
Parvati, Heroes vs. Villains
Stephanie, Redemption Island
Baylor, San Juan Del Sur

The award goes to...

Paloma!  Bit of a dark horse there, but she won!  Side note, she's had 3 or 4 kids and still looks PHENOMENAL.  


Our fifth award is for most beautiful eyes.  Whose eyes could be stared into forever?

The nominees are:
Darrah, Pearl Islands
Amber, All-Stars
Danni, Guatemala
Corinne, Gabon
Natalie, Samoa

Wow, quite the variety.  We got some blue, green, hazel, and brown, I believe.  The award goes to...



Corinne!  She was the only one I really that I commented on their eyes.  Very pretty blues ones, she has.  Speak like Yoda, I guess I must.


Our sixth award is for hottest blonde.  Oh boy, this is a doozy.

The nominees are:
Heidi, Amazon
Jaime, China
Natalie, Samoa
Katie, Blood vs. Water
Julia, Kaoh Rong

The award goes to...

Julia!  She was equal parts cute, adorable, hot, and sexy.  She's my perfect blonde IMO.  



Our seventh award is for best ass.  You knew I was going to mention this. 

The nominees are:
Julie, Vanuatu
Brenda, Nicaragua
Alicia, One World
Morgan, Cagayan
Michele, Kaoh Rong

Quite the variety.  Who wins, though?

The award goes to...



Michele!  Alicia was a close second, but Michele's best feature is easily her butt.  




Our eighth award is for best hair.  Whoever wins this had their hair stand up to the test of surviving in the wild with no hair care products.  Pretty much all women have to wear their hair up, but it still can look fairly decent.

The nominees are:
Neleh, Marquesas
Natalie, Micronesia
Natalie, Samoa
Natalie, Redemption Island
Kara, David vs. Goliath

Wow, three Natalie's nominated.  Will any of them win?  The award goes to...






Kara!  Her hair looked good up or down (especially down), and it still looked good the day she lost the fire-making challenge, which was day 38.  

Our ninth award is for... best personality.  Who, on personality alone during their time playing, would anyone want to date?

The nominees are:
Amber, All-Stars
Stephenie, Palau
Michelle, Fiji
Natalie, Samoa
Jessica, Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Some awfully sweet girls there.  But only one can win. The award goes to...





Natalie!  Her sweet southern charm won over the Galu tribe and won her the title of Sole Survivor.


Our tenth award is hottest over 30.  These women all were not just beautiful, but hot on their season despite being older than a lot of other females on their season.  The nominees are:

Ami, Vanuatu
Laura, Blood vs. Water
Julie, San Juan Del Sur
Peih-Gee, Cambodia
Parvati, Winners at War

None of these women looked as old as they actually were.  Who looked best for their age, though?  The winner is...




Laura!  She not only was a mom on her season, she was a freaking grandmother.  And she looked AMAZING.  The rest of the women looked great as well, but Laura was the one who looked more younger than her actual age than anyone else.

Our eleventh award is... best boobs!   You know this was going to be here, and boy is it a doozy.  The nominees are:

Sarah, Marquesas
Ashlee, Palau
Danielle, Panama/Exile Island
Katie, Blood vs. Water
Morgan, Cagayan

There's some awesome jugs there.  Some probably have been enhanced by plastic surgery, but that's a testament to how well the surgery went.  But the winner is...







Morgan!  They appear to be all natural and holy cow are they massive.  I think most guys would agree they are the perfect size, as any larger would be too big.  


Our twelfth award is for hottest obscure player!  This award is for a girl that doesn't appear hot at first glance, but she is quite the fox in the right light and getting to know her.  The nominees are:

Darrah, Pearl Islands
Alexis, Micronesia
Semhar, South Pacific
Dawson, Philippines
Julia, Caramoan


Every one of these girls I didn't really notice her attractiveness until my 2nd time watching through the season.  The winner is....




Julia!  I barely noticed her on my first viewing, but on my second viewing, I actually developed a crush on her!  What can I say, I like pale chicks.


Our thirteenth award is for best skin!  Who has skin that withstood the elements the best and looks the smoothest?  The nominees are:

Brenda, Nicaragua
RC, Philippines
Semhar, South Pacific
Morgan, Cagayan
Michaela, Millennials vs. Gen X

A wide variety of skin tones there.  The winner is...






Brenda!  I would love to know her skin care regime.




Our fourteenth award is for best legs!  Whose legs are perfectly sized, toned, and sexy?  The nominees are:

Stephenie, Palau
Natalie, Samoa
RC, Philippines
Katie, Blood vs. Water
Michaela, Millennials vs. Gen X


Generally a lot of long, sexy legs there.  Who has the best pair?  The winner is...






RC!  I'd be silly not to pick her for something.


Our fifteenth award is for hottest lady of African descent.  There have been plenty of African-American women on Survivor, but only a handful have drawn my interest.  The nominees are:

Sundra, Cook Islands
Candace, Tocantins
Semhar, South Pacific
Michaela, Game Changers
Ali Elliott, Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Some wide variety there.  Two who made it fairly far, and three who were booted early.  But who will win?  The winner is...







Semhar!  She may have been a first boot, but she made an impression with me.  


Our sixteenth award is hottest religious chick.  Who did we see that was passionate about their faith, and who is the hottest of the bunch?

Jaime, China
Natalie, Samoa
Baylor, San Juan Del Sur
Andrea, Game Changers
Jessica, Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Mostly blonde chicks, interesting... The winner is...





Baylor!  She didn't show her religion too much, which I appreciated.  Eh, what can I say, I wanted to give Baylor some love.




Our seventeenth award is one of my favorites.  It's for favorite THICCC chick.  I must clarify, these chicks are NOT fat.  They are thick, curvy, and sexy.  There's not a single part of me that thinks ANY of them need to lose weight.  The nominees are:

Ashlee, Palau
Sophie, South Pacific
Alicia, One World
Katie, Blood vs. Water
Peih-Gee, Cambodia



I really had to struggle to find some of these.  The winner may surprise you.  It is....







Peih-Gee!  She was thicker in her second appearance than her first appearance in China, and I sure appreciated it!



Our eighteenth award is for hottest accent.  Whose accent just melts my heart?

Elisabeth, Australian Outback
Darrah, Pearl Island
Jaime, China
Natalie, Samoa
Jessica, Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Basically all southern accents except for one (Elisabeth).  But who has the best?  The winner is...







Natalie!  Her accent shown through and through her entire season and was definitely one of Natalie's most appealing attributes.  Darrah was a close second.



Our nineteenth award is for hottest chick from the Pacific Northwest!  Yes, I have to honor my home region.  And there were enough from the beautiful PNW.  The nominees are:

Lindsey, Africa
Brianna, Guatemala
Laura, Blood vs. Water
Kelley, Cambodia
Michelle, Millennials vs. Gen X


So who personifies the beautiful Pacific Northwest?  The winner is...






Michelle!  She isn't largely remembered, but she's such a brunette beauty.





All right, time for our TWENTIETH and final award.  This award is for most desirable chick.  Basically, the chick I'd most want to date.  So if I know someone is in a relationship/married, they cannot be nominated here.  Also, it will help if they have somewhat of a social media presence. Who is my all-time favorite?  The nominees are:


Corinne, Gabon
Julia, Kaoh Rong
Andrea, Game Changers
Bi, David vs. Goliath
Victoria, Edge of Extinction



Wow, some impressive ladies there.  I'm going to do this by eliminating them one by one.  The first one eliminated is...


Corinne.  She's older than me (by exactly 10 years), and she's too much of a party chick for my liking.


The next one gone is....





Andrea.  She's dated guys that are clearly superior to me.  I'd constantly feel inferior with her.  


The next one gone is....



Bi.  I didn't pick her as hottest of her season, but also would I be comfortable dating an MMA fighter, knowing she could kick my ass?  I love you, Bi, but sorry.  


We are down to Julia and Victoria.  The blonde vs. the redhead.  This was a tough call.  Julia is cuter and she's more my type, but Victoria is so downright sexy and she's more active on social media.  Anyway, my choice is...










JULIA!  She's literally my dream woman.  I could see myself doing anything to make her happy.  



Anyway, that's all I have for now.  Might update this if Survivor starts re-airing.

Hottest Female Survivor Contestants by Season

I am a huge fan of the TV show "Survivor" on CBS.  It's my favorite reality TV show of all time.  Each season 16-20 people are pitted against each other in the quest for $1 million.  And with them almost always having the same number of men and women, there are bound to be a few beautiful women.  This is especially true since casting directors for the show have literally sought out more attractive people.  So I went season by season and picked out the hottest woman of each season, followed by who was next hottest, with some reasoning.  I gave extra points if they lasted longer in the game and I had to take points off if they were voted out early.

Because I'm such a perv, I'm going to rate them.  I'm already doing this post, so I can't really make it worse, can I?  I'm going to rate them on a scale of 5-10.  Why 5-10?  Because I don't want to say any girl is a 1.  If you're wondering why the same women can get different ratings (when they're on Survivor more than once), it's either because they've changed between appearances, or it could be they're wearing skimpier clothing.

Borneo: Colleen (6), Runner Up: Stacey (5)
Ok, so early on Survivor was not known for casting hot women.  They hadn't realized by this point that casting beautiful women and encouraging them to wear bikinis would bring in ratings.  That being said, Colleen was considered by most to be the cutie of the season, and Stacey was not bad looking, either.  Jenna misses out because she's just a little too... white trash for me.  I hate to say it.

Australian Outback: Amber (7), Runner Up: Elisabeth (6)
The Australian Outback season made a decent effort to cast some good-looking women.  I really liked Amber and as we saw later in All-Stars, so did Rob.  Elisabeth, like Colleen, was a sweetheart and a cutie pie that America loved.  I never really liked Jerri that way, especially with how annoying she was at times.  Actually, I think Jerri was better looking in Heroes vs. Villains.

Africa: Kim Powers (6), Runner Up: Lindsay (6)
Let me be clear: The hottest woman was Kim Powers.  Not Johnson.  Anyway, Kim was definitely the prettiest of the season.  She ended up marrying Alex from Amazon so he saw something in her, too.  When I first watched this season, I had a small crush on Lindsay.  But she hasn't aged particularly well.  I so wanted to go with Jessie, but I had to penalize her for getting voted out so quickly, and because her lips got so chapped and she didn't look or feel well.

Marquesas: Sarah (7), Runner Up: Neleh (6)
Cleopatra herself wins hottest of Marquesas.  I remember Boston Rob was sort of into her.  She'd be top ten for nicest jugs in Survivor history.  But she didn't last terribly long.  Neleh was very cute but I've never found her that sexy.  Not the best season for hot women.

Thailand: Erin (6), Runner Up: Shii Ann (5)
Erin was easily the best looking in Thailand.  She, like Sarah, had nice boobs.  I surprised myself by picking Shii Ann as runner up.  Hey, I'm starting to get into Asian chicks.  I had to leave out Penny.

Amazon: Heidi (7), Runner Up: Jenna (7)
Was there any question?  Heidi continues the streak of women with nice jugs, three seasons in a row.  Jenna was a close 2nd, but she clearly got too skinny.  I never really thought Shawna was that hot, despite what many male members said about her that season.

Pearl Islands: Darrah (8), Runner Up: Christa (5)
Darrah is the first girl in my rewatch of Survivor that I've legit ogled over.  She is such a babe.  And the fact she got far and stayed attractive makes this a very easy decision.  I guess Christa was next hottest, but she was a bit tall and had an odd voice.

All Stars: Amber (8), Runner Up: Jenna Morasca (7)
Hey, I can pick girls multiple times if I want, and good for them if I do.  Amber is the first girl I rated as hottest to win twice, so good for her.  Jenna again is runner up, and it hurt her chances that she left early.

Vanuatu: Ami (7), Runner Up: Julie (7)
I surprised myself here again.  Yes, I know Ami is gay, but that doesn't make her any less attractive.  Did you know she posed in Playboy?  It was years before Survivor, but wow.  And she kept her figure throughout her run on Vanuatu.  Julie was considered by most as the beauty queen of the season, but I never really liked her face, only her body.  Eliza misses out because like Jenna, she got too skinny.

Palau: Ashlee (8), Runner Up: Stephenie (7)
Yes, I know Ashlee got voted out early, but my god have you seen her?  She and Morgan McCleod (See below) are tied for nicest boobs in Survivor history.  I could literally masturbate to Ashlee and get myself off to her.  Anyway, Steph is the runner up, not just for her good looks but her determination and unwillingness to give up.

Guatemala: Danni (7), Runner Up: Brianna (8)
Honestly, if Brianna made it about as far as Danni, I'd pick her.  But Danni won the game, so that gives her extra points.  She also is a huge sports fan, and she looked really good in the Guatemalan jungle despite not having makeup.  She got a little too skinny like Jenna and Heidi but not terribly.  Brianna, meanwhile, will always be one of my favorites as she's from Washington State and has one of the best smiles.

Panama/Exile Island: Danielle (9), Runner Up: Sally (6)
No contest here.  I remember having a big crush on D when I first watched this season.  Her accent isn't the sexiest, but her jugs are.  I wish I had a nickel that I saw a shot of Danielle that I liked.  As for the runner up, there wasn't much competition.  Misty got voted out too early and developed some skin condition which made her skin have red spots.  But Sally was a competitive sweetheart with a great smile (and also the only other attractive female to make the merge).

Cook Islands: Parvati (8), Runner Up: Sundra (7)
Parvati has always been a favorite of mine; she has one of the best smiles in Survivor history (not to mention a killer, petite body).  She's nowhere near the curviest Survivor but still has a really sexy body.  Sundra is a surprise pick for sure; I was expecting myself to pick Candice or maybe Becky.  But Sundra is an actress, and you can't really be an actress if you're not good-looking. She showed off some nice cleavage and she's definitely got a pretty face made for TV.

Fiji: Liliana (10), Runner Up: Michelle (6)
I'll just say this: Liliana is the hottest Latina to play Survivor.  She's so freaking adorable and it's such a shame her tribe voted her out and blindsided her.  I don't typically have early vote-offs as my favorite of the season, but I just couldn't resist with Liliana Gomez.  Michelle to me is one of the cutest Survivor players in history, with an adorable smile and a personality to match.  Too many other good-looking women got voted out early (Erica, Jessica).

China: Jamie (10), Runner Up: Peih-Gee (9)
Jamie is in my all time top ten for sure.  She's amazing.  She was a little devious in looking through James' things for the idol(s) and throwing a challenge.  I still love her, though.  She ended up marrying Eric from her season, and he's a lucky guy.  Peih-Gee is the runner up, and it's for three reasons: 1) She made it really far, 2) I've grown to like Asian women, and 3) I've never been attracted to Amanda or Courtney.  Courtney's too skinny and Amanda... her face isn't ugly by any means but I'm just not attracted to her.  So Peih-Gee takes the runner up spot.

Micronesia/Fans vs. Favorites: Alexis (8), Runner Up: Natalie (7)
I still like Parvati, but I wanted to shed light on the two female favorites Alexis and Natalie.  I found myself ogling over them more than Parvati because I had already seen Parvati play Survivor.  I never really found Alexis to be that attractive when I first watched this season, but boy I realized she is gorgeous.  She may have one of the best smiles on Survivor.  Natalie has a cute smile herself but also a great body that looks to be made to... *ahem* screw.  She was a little older than the other girls but her devious side that actually got revealed towards the end was actually a bit of a turn on.

Gabon: Paloma (10), Runner Up: Corinne (8)
This was a tough call for me.  I debated putting Paloma as the hottest because she was the 3rd voted out, so we didn't get to see too much of her.  But that's just how hot and adorable she was.  She was like this hot little Latina midget that has an adorable voice and great smile.  Meanwhile, my runner up was tough to choose... I almost went with Sugar or Kelly, but I surprised even myself and chose Corinne.  She may be a bit evil (which showed at the reality show), but it didn't show much with her edit, and she had three things going for her: Her amazing blue eyes, her nice rack, and the fact I think she looks better without makeup.

Tocantins: Erinn (7), Runner Up: Candace (7)
Boy, Gabon sure was not a season for hot women.  The two hottest women on the season were the first two boots (Candace and Carolina).  While Carolina had a nice body, she was the first boot and I didn't think she was that pretty.  I didn't notice Candace on my first watch but I sure did this time.  She was a former beauty queen, after all.  Erinn made it to final three and looked hot at times.  Definitely had a fit body.  I thought about putting Sierra on here, but I just wasn't attracted to her that much.  However, special shout out to Debbie for being what I consider the first MILF in Survivor history.

Samoa: Natalie (9), Runner Up: Kelly (8)
We go from a season with very few hot chicks to one with a ton!  Besides the two above, we also had Marisa, Ashley, and Monica.  Heck, even Laura and Liz weren't bad to look at.  I picked Natalie, not just because she won, but because of the two outfits she would wear, both of which drove me crazy: The yellow dress and the bikini.  She also looked good out there without makeup.  Then there's Kelly, who didn't get a ton of confessionals or screen time, but boy she's pretty.  I honestly would probably pick Ashley over Kelly, but Ashley was too early of a vote-out for me.  Ashley reminded me of a cross between Scarlett Johansson and Kat Edorsson (see below).  And it's too bad that Natalie has disappeared since her Survivor win; she's such a sweetheart and a lot of people were upset she beat Russell Hantz.

Heroes vs. Villains: Danielle (8), Runner Up: Parvati (8)
I had no choice but to pick a returning player, and Danielle is my choice again.  She's well-endowed in the chest region (probably thanks to plastic surgery), but her body and ass is what really got me.  Same goes for Parvati.  Those two working together were definitely a highlight of the season.  I never really found any of the female Heroes attractive, except Steph and Amanda (a little).  Besides, the female villains made it further.  Danielle and Parvati both have tramp stamps, which shows how they perhaps like to get around.

Nicaragua: Brenda Lowe (9), Runner Up: Kelly Bruno (7)
Survivor Nicaragua is one of the most forgettable seasons, sandwiched between Heroes vs. Villains and Redemption Island.  Brenda Lowe, the one player who returned to play again from this season, was easily the highlight, although she was definitely gone too soon.  From her beautiful smile to her amazing body, she lit up the screen anytime she was on it.  Now, I originally was going to go with Kelly Shinn (Purple Kelly) as my runner up, but she not only quit, she got a horrible edit (no screentime).  She got such a bad edit that anyone who gets a similar edit in future seasons was known for getting a "Purple Edit", named after Kelly.  So, I went with Kelly Bruno, who, despite her disability in missing a leg, had a great body and a great smile, and she seemed like a great person all-around, unlike the girl she fought with over an idol clue.  And, after discovering what both look like today, Kelly Bruno has actually aged better than Purple Kelly despite being older.

Redemption Island: Stephanie Valencia (10), Runner Up: Natalie Tenerelli (9)
Stephanie may be kind of mean and may have aligned with Russell Hantz, and she got eliminated fairly early, but she, to me, was the hottest of the season.  She's got such a pretty face and tight body.  I had quite the crush on her the first time I watched Redemption Island, and it came flaring back the second time I watched it too.  Natalie, meanwhile, is also very pretty and only 19 years old at the time of this season.  She made it all the way to the end, as well.  But I had the hots for Stephanie way more than Natalie.  There were a few others I considered, namely Andrea and Krista, but they just didn't do it for me.

South Pacific: Semhar Tedasse (8), Runner Up: Sophie Clarke (6)
South Pacific is not known for its beautiful women.  The only woman really talked about being a hottie, Mikayla, I don't find attractive.  So I end up picking the two bookends of the season.  Yes, Semhar was the first one voted out and fully eliminated from the game, but she's hot.  She's got an amazing rack and her poem at her dual at Redemption Island was a bit of a turn on.  She just has me wishing she made it a lot further on the show so we could have seen more of her.  Meanwhile, Sophie ends up winning, and while she's not someone I ever ogled over, she did show some cleavage from time to time, and she has really pretty eyes.  I considered Elyse and Whitney, but Elyse was gone too soon and I just didn't think much of Whitney.

One World: Alicia Rosa (9), Runner Up: Kat Edorsson (8)
I hate to say it, but easily my two biggest crushes of this season were Alicia and Kat.  Yes, I liked the bitch and the dumb blonde.  Alicia was not a very good person, and she generally sucked at challenges, and I hated how she teamed up with Colton for a bit, but I enjoyed all the shots of her cleavage and her caboose.  I mean, almost every episode I caught myself ogling her body.  Kat, meanwhile, has a nice body as well, although not as curvy.  She just seems like the kind of girl that would sleep with Barney Stinson based on some lie he made up from his playbook.  But she's still smokin' hot.

Philippines: Sarah Dawson (8), Runner Up: RC Saint Amour (8)
Philippines has a lot of decent but not outstanding looking women.  Besides the two above, there's also Katie, Angie, and Abi-Maria.  Yes, even Abi-Maria.  I don't know what it is, but Dawson just has a really pretty face and smile.  Sure, she's a bit crazy for being so into Jeff Probst and kissing him, but it's a good kind of crazy.  She's also got a pretty nice, fit body.  Speaking of nice bodies, RC might have to go down as having the best female body in Survivor history.  I didn't have her as my favorite because I just don't find her face that attractive... although she is certainly not unattractive.  But some shots of her in her bikini were enough to make any straight guy stare at.

Caramoan: Brenda Lowe (9), Runner Up: Julia Landauer (8)
I just had to pick Brenda again, who is adorable as heck.  Her cheerleading during her tribe's challenge where they carried sand bags in the water was cute as could be.  And she will never not look good in a swimsuit.  Meanwhile, the fans tribe had some pretty girls, but Hope and Ally got picked off way early.  Julia ended up being the young female fan to last the longest, and despite Cochran basically calling her plainer than vanilla, I really liked her.  She's got such pretty eyes, a great body, and she is a race car driver!  How cool is that?  I considered Andrea and Corinne, but I just have never felt that attracted to Andrea, and Corinne wasn't as hot as her first season.  By the way, Julia's looks still hold up well today.  She also seems like a sweetheart.

Blood vs. Water: Katie Collins (10), Runner Up: Laura Morett (8)
Man, Tina sure knows how to make them!  For me at least, Katie is perfect.  She's easy going, great body, and adorable.  And her rack is definitely one of the best in Survivor history.  She is, after all, the daughter of Survivor royalty.  She did lose a toenail (yikes), but that's not a huge turn off for me.  Now the runner up may surprise you, seeing as she is an actual grandmother, but holy cow Laura was hot this season.  It helped she dressed younger than she actually is.  But her coming back into the game from Redemption Island was awesome, and she just has a body even younger guys like myself could drool over.  She is not just a certified MILF, she's a certified GILF.  And she's the only woman on here 40 years old or older.

Cagayan: Morgan McLeod (10), Runner Up: Jefra Bland (8)
Holy hell, Morgan has the best rack in Survivor history.  Imagine if Boston Rob and her were on a tribe together.  My favorite outfit of Morgan's was her two piece, with the top not even having shoulder straps.  She even has a great ass and figure.  Jefra, meanwhile, is a former beauty queen so it's no surprise to see her here.  She has a killer bod as well.  And it should come as no surprise that my two picks both came from the "Beauty" tribe.  Alexis was the next hottest (the last female beauty), but if I had to pick someone to be the hottest non-beauty, I'd actually go with Tasha.  She's not too bad looking, and she has a great rack as well.

San Juan Del Sur: Baylor Wilson (9), Runner Up: Julie McGee (8)
The youngest contestant of SJDS was Baylor, and boy was she a treat.  Being a former cheerleader, she had an incredible figure, including an ass that never quit.  I found myself ogling Baylor almost every time she was on screen.  Meanwhile, there were a few possibilities for runner up including Kelley Wentworth and Jaclyn.  But the one I went with was Julie, AKA John Rocker's girlfriend.  Julie was only 34 on the show and had a killer body, being a former model (and actress).  I just never found Jaclyn that hot, and Wentworth was voted out too early for me.  

Worlds Apart: Jenn Brown (9), Hali Ford (7)
Unfortunately Worlds Apart didn't have too many hot chicks.  The hottest chick on the blue collar tribe was Lindsey (IMO) and she was an early boot.  She also had a few too many tattoos for my liking.  The white collar's hottest chick was So, but she was the first boot.  That left me to choose two women from the No Collar Tribe.  Jenn is undeniably hot and has a sexy body she showed off every episode.  Halli to me wasn't quite as hot but she still had a great body and ass.  Shirin wasn't horrible looking--I wouldn't kick her out of bed (although she's a bit annoying).  And Sierra is one of those chicks that I think is beautiful but I'm not attracted to.  

Cambodia (Second Chance): Kelley Wentworth (8), Peih-Gee Law (8)
Cambodia had a lot of potential with the vote America had, but they left out Natalie Tenerelli and Stephanie Valencia.  At least we got Wentworth and Peih-Gee, as well as Ciera and even Abi-Maria.  Wentworth definitely shined with her gameplay, and she looked hot while doing it.  Wentworth's boobs looked pretty nice, even when squished up in her bikini top.  Meanwhile, I've always had a soft spot for Peih-Gee since her appearance in China, but she unfortunately got voted out early.  I still enjoyed her body from her cleavage to her thick ass.  Shoutout to Tasha for her nice bod, but I just couldn't put her on here.

Kaoh Rong: Julia Sokolowski (10), Michele Fitzgerald (9)
This season has definitely got to be up there as one of the best for most attractive women.  Besides the two above, there was the other female beauty, Anna, as well as Liz and Alecia.  Even Aubry and Jennifer weren't bad looking!  But as for Julia, wow.  She's like my perfect woman.  Short, blonde, gorgeous blue eyes, great smile, great body.  She was the youngest that season and for me, the hottest.  Michele was also a deserved beauty.  She has such pretty eyes, and her best feature below the neck is definitely her ass, which (IMO) could rival anyone else's in Survivor history.  Kaoh Rong was definitely one of the best seasons for hot women.  

Millennials vs. Gen X: Michelle Schubert (9), Jessica "Figgy" Figueroa (8)
Despite having an entire tribe of people my age, I was only attracted to two of them (and none really on the Gen X tribe).  I had a huge crush on Michelle the first time I watched MvGx.  I still enjoyed seeing her this time.  Figgy wasn't bad to look at, but I honestly didn't see what made Taylor risk his game for her.  She's pretty, but I really only chose her because there was no one else.  Michaela actually would perhaps be next closest, but she was too athletic and tall for my liking.  Hannah wasn't bad to look at, but the island didn't do her any favors.  The best looking Gen X woman would either be Rachel or Jessica, but not worth it over Figgy.  With Michelle and Figgy not making it far, this was not a good season for good looking women.  

Game Changers: Andrea Boehlke (9), Michaela Bradshaw (7)
Returning seasons never really have the best looking women, because generally they don't make for interesting enough characters to bring back, with few exceptions (Parvati, Michele).  This season was basically like that, but two women stood out.  I've come very close to including Andrea in her previous two seasons, but I didn't.  She stood out here for some reason.  I don't know if it was lack of competition or she was wearing better swimsuits; could be both.  And Michaela... well she showed a nice ass and she is actually really pretty.  She's a little too tall and athletic for me, but I still found myself ogling over her more than girls like Sierra and Hali.  And we can't forget Ciera, who probably would've been #1 this season, but she was the first boot, unfortunately.

Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers: Ali Elliott (8), Jessica Johnston (7)
HHH was not a great season for newbie hotties, but they at least had a couple bright spots.  She didn't stand out too my on my first watch of this season, but Ali stood out the second time, mainly thanks to her amazing ass.  She also is half-black and has just the perfect skin tone.  Meanwhile, Jessica kinda stood out to me as well, although there wasn't much other competition.  I did like the fact that she said she was still a virgin.  Neither Ali or Jessica made it far enough for the jury, unfortunately.  The only one I considered who did make it kind of far was Ashley, but there were too many times where I just didn't find her attractive.  

Ghost Island: Libby Vincek (8), Chelsea Townsend (8)
Again, not a great season for newbie hotties, but I think they were saving them for the next season (see below).  I did notice Libby, who doesn't have too many great assets, but she does have a nice petite figure and a great smile.  Chelsea is along the same lines, with a great figure.  She was a former cheerleader, after all.  The only other I sort of considered was actually Stephanie, who had some nice jugs, but she was voted out early, and her age sort of showed.  

David vs. Goliath: Kara Kay (9), Bi Nguyen (9) 
I am giving DvG the hottest season ever award, because there are so many good-looking female players.  Besides the two above, there's Jessica, Angelina, Natalia, and Gabby.  I really wanted to choose Jessica, but she was such an early boot that I couldn't.  I couldn't pick Gabby because she just cries way too much.  And Angelina has some unattractive moments and she never shows off her legs thanks to those gray leggings.  Kara has such a gorgeous smile and such a great figure (she was a cheerleader after all).  And Bi, while she was gone early, has a killer petite body and any guy would be lucky to have her.

Edge of Extinction: Victoria Baamonde (10), Lauren O'Connell (8)
Victoria is one of the hottest players ever, if not the hottest.  Her red hair, freckles, not to mention her killer pale fit body.  Her glasses just made her even cuter.  Meanwhile, most guys will ogle over Lauren.  I'll admit, the first time I watched EoE I wasn't really, but the second time I was.  I think it was because I realized how little competition there is after these two.  Julia is pretty cute and Wendy has a nice body, but that's about it.  

Island of the Idols: Molly Byman (7), Chelsea Walker (6)
This was not a great season for good-looking women.  The only two somewhat good-looking women went in the first four votes.  Molly was really cute, but she was second out.  Chelsea was next best, I guess, but she went two votes later.  There really was no one else I considered.  Not Noura, not Missy, not Elizabeth, and not Karishma.  They all had a negative quality (either physical or personality-wise) that was just too much for me to overlook.  

Winners at War: Michele Fitzgerald (9), Runner Up: Parvati Shallow (8)
For the third time, Parvati makes my list.  But she is runner up to Michele, who most would consider easily the hottest on the season.  It's not hard when most of the women are older.  Michele lit up the screen every time she was on it.  She's incredibly photogenic and doesn't seem to ever take a bad photo.  Parvati, meanwhile, makes it as a mom.  She beats out Sophie and Sarah, who aren't bad looking, but just... aren't Parvati.

41: Sydney Segal (8), Erika Casupanan (6)
Again, not a great season for hot women.  At least both Sydney and Erika made the merge, with the latter winning it all.  Sydney I didn't really notice until her boot episode, largely because her tribe kept winning challenges and not getting screen time.  But when Sydney did the block stacking challenge with her feet and the positions she had to put herself in... yowza.  Erika is definitely a chick I would date; she's got a nice petite figure and like I've said before, I like women of Asian descent.  

42: Chanelle Howell (9), Tori Meehan (8)
Chanelle is one of the hottest players we've had in recent memory, and certainly one of the hottest women of color the show has ever had.  She's the perfect combination of fit and curvy.  She's also got great "do me" eyes.  She definitely looked great on the jury, and she even looks hot when she's upset.  Tori's got a great face and a great butt, but is lacking in the chest area.  But Tori also gave some of the best jury reactions and eye rolls that I'll remember for a while.

43: Noelle Lambert (8), Elie Scott (7)
I have included both female amputees on here.  That doesn't bother me.  The more I watched Noelle, the more I was awed by her.  She's a beautiful woman inside and out.  And she's in incredible shape.  Elie caught my eye as well, as she's got a beautiful face.  If she had lasted longer, perhaps she claims the top spot.  Oh well.

44: Lauren Harpe (10), Claire Rafson (9)
I was certainly influenced by both of these women's Instagram accounts, but holy cow.  First off, Lauren is an absolute MILF.  She's the hottest MILF the show has ever had.  Perfect skin tone, great mommy milkers, and a perfect figure.  Claire, meanwhile, I did not think of her much pre-season, but after discovering her on IG, I realized what a babe she is.  It's such a shame she was a pre-merge boot.  

45: Dee Valladares (8), Kelly Nalbandian (7)
Not a particularly great season for hot chicks IMO, but fortunately the hottest one--won.  Dee has a great smile and a great petite body.  Kelly has such pretty eyes and a nice body--too bad she's gay.  But there were some others I considered, like J.Maya and heck, even Katurah and Hannah.  But Kelly and Dee looked the best out there, easily.

46: Jem Hussain Adams (8), Moriah Gaynor (8)
It's really unfortunate these ladies were both pre-jury boots on the Siga tribe, because they were both the prettiest on the season.  Jem has such a great body and let's face it, a great rack.  Moriah has such a pretty smile and a surprisingly hot body herself.  I was extremely torn, but I barely give the edge to Jem over Moriah.  

47: Tiyana Hallums (8), Rachel LaMont (6)
Oof.  Not the best season for hot chicks, but eh, what can you do?  Tiyana was the prettiest of the season for me easily.  It's crazy how in some angles how much she looks like Dee from 45.  She also had a really nice body.  Rachel finishes as the runner up, almost by default.  Some angles she looked pretty hot, like when she bent over.  There's really not much else.  Sure, there's Sierra, but I just am not attracted to her.  I think my next closest would actually be Anika, as she has a nice body, but she was voted out too soon.  Also shoutout to Caroline for being so positive and almost making it with her personality and looks.  

48: Eva Erickson (7), Kamilla Karthigesu (7)
It's a close race between Eva and Kamilla for me, but they are the clear two standouts, who both made the finale, which helped.  Eva is extremely cute and definitely doesn't need makeup.  Kamilla just has that exotic look that I know a lot of guys, myself included, really like.  The next closest this season would be hard to say.  Kind of a distant third would be either Bianca or Mary.  

49: Savannah Louie (8), Sophie Segretti (7)
It's always great when my hottest of the season ends up winning.  First off, Savannah cleans up well.  Secondly, she had such a nice petite body that she showcased out there.  Her butt in those leopard print bottoms was... just wow.  Sophie ends up being the runner-up for me.  She was very pretty and her looks held up well out there.

Another situation

As I posted earlier, I had a living situation involving a former roommate of mine.  My girlfriend and I are now living on our own, just the two of us.   But I now have a new situation to deal with, one I hope gets resolved sort of soon.  It's been giving me a decent amount of stress and anxiety the last few months.

With COVID-19, I have been out of work.  My employer put me "on standby".  It's like a suspension, but not because of anything I did.  This started in the middle of March, so it has been 4 months since then.

I applied for unemployment not long after being put "on standby" to be able to afford rent, food, and other bills.  My employer suggested I do this, and without it, I would not have been able to afford rent for this long.  

At first, I was grateful for the extra time as we had just moved.  It gave me ample time to unpack, set things up, and decorate our new place. 

But after finishing unpacking and decorating, I am left with very little to do.  This isn't really a problem for me per se, but I have come to realize something.  I don't really want to return to my old job.  I'm not going to get into the specifics, but I just would really like to move on to something else, if possible.

I have thought during these 4 months that it would be a good opportunity to leave my current employer.  I would be able to tell them that I couldn't wait anymore.  However, finding a new job has been a bit of a problem. 

I don't want to go back to retail, although I have greatly considered it.  My preferred choice would be working for Amazon in a warehouse.  However, they haven't had hardly any full time openings this entire four months.  Surprising, right?  I've seen some part time, but that's not worth leaving my current job.

I did see a full time position for Amazon back in April.  I even set up a virtual appointment.  But I backed out, and I did that for three reasons.  One, it was at the Everett warehouse which is actually further away from me than the Kirkland one.  Two, they were very early hours that I didn't like a ton.  And three, I was thinking something a little better would turn up.  Wrong.  But hindsight is 20/20.  

I have talked to my parents about this and my girlfriend.  It hasn't helped much.  I just want a job that makes enough that I can do despite my anxiety.  I have looked almost every day during this pandemic.  I have spent hours and hours thinking and considering different options, and I am no closer now to a new job than I was months ago.  

It doesn't help that the pandemic isn't going away.  It doesn't help that the infected numbers keep going up.  I honestly hate not having something to do, but I am too anxious and introverted to pursue a new job, especially since I have a safety net in my current "job".  

A part of me wonders if my current job will still be available when the pandemic ends.  Perhaps my company won't be able to afford me anymore.  I don't exactly have a job that is absolutely mandatory for them.  I believe my position was vacant for around 6 months before they hired me.  And with this pandemic, who knows how that will affect our company.  I haven't heard from them in months.  

I'm just going to take things day by day.  With my anxiety, it's not really worth going after a new job unless it's near perfect for me (which is RARE).  If I get contacted by my old job saying they can no longer afford me, I will apply for multiple jobs that same day (including retail).  I will do whatever it takes to get a job that makes just as much.  

If I get contacted by my old job and they want me back, I will go back to them.  It will be very weird, and I feel with all this time off I will have forgotten a lot of things.  Hopefully they would give me plenty of time to get reacquainted and familiar with things.  Until then, thanks for listening/reading.  I'll update if there are any developments.

Update, September 2020: Well, I got a new job!  I now work with a mortgage broker (which I never would have expected), but it's a job I can definitely handle.  I think I found perhaps the best fit for me given my anxiety and lack of education.  It's the first job I've had that (so far) I haven't had to deal with any panic attacks.  It's also a typical Mon-Fri job, so I get weekends and holidays off, yay!  And the best part, IMO, is that I am making more than I did at ASSIC or Safeway.  Yep.  I mean, it's all I could really hope for.