As a straight male, there are tons of female celebrities out there that I'd love to bang. Some older than me, some my age, some younger than me. My girlfriend and I have each come up with our "Fives". Basically, it's a list of five celebrities we're allowed to sleep with and the other one cannot get mad or anything. We took the idea from an episode of Friends, and it's stuck throughout our relationship. Below is a list of ALL of the women I have had on my Five, and it's kind of a doozy. I change my five a lot. There are many reasons a female celebrity can get dropped out of my five: I find out she has a boyfriend, she gets married, or she just gets bumped for someone hotter. I'm going to go in reverse order, so my current five is way at the bottom, with the ladies that have left my five long ago coming first here.
Kristen Stewart - Yep, I had K-Stew in my five. Now I just think of her as ordinary, to be honest.
Ashley Greene - I had K-Stew and Ashley Greene in my five when the Twilight movies first came out, so that's probably why they were in it. I don't actually remember being that attracted to Ashley Greene, although she did have some nudes leaked that I liked.
Renee Olstead - One of the hottest redheads, IMO. I had a huge crush on her when Still Standing was on and she played the daughter. Some nudes of her leaked as well, which... well let's just say she's a bit naughty.
Brittany Snow - I've always thought of her as gorgeous, going back to her early acting days with "The Pacifier" and "John Tucker Must Die". She's made more fame with the Pitch Perfect movies, but I don't think she's aged that well.
Haley Reinhart - Surprisingly, the only American Idol alum to be in My Five... ever. Haley has got such an adorable smile, and she supposedly dated Casey Abrams from her season. So I had to dump her from My Five.
Audrina Patridge - I know, one of the chicks from the Hills. But she like a few before her had some leaked nudes that were actually very hot. Go check them out if you've never seen them.
Naya Rivera - Not the only Glee alum to be on My Five. But I had to dump Naya when I found out she was dating someone, and now she's married with a kid, too.
Emily Browning - This Aussie actress stole my heart in Sucker Punch. But I think she was just too pale and not curvy enough for me... at least to be in my five.
Kaley Cuoco - Yep, THE Kaley Cuoco. I try not to go for TOO well-known or that much older than me, but I made an exception with Kaley. Of course she got married so I had to dump her.
Christian Serratos - I put Christian in My Five when that Peta ad of her was released.... WOW. And I almost put her back in my five when she got a role on The Walking Dead, but couldn't find someone to bump off for her. She's still got a chance.
Amanda Seyfried - Loved her in Chloe and Jennifer's Body. But she got a little too well-known and she is almost 4 years older than me.
Lea Michele - Ah, Lea. She was in my five for a while, even when she was dating Cory Monteith (RIP). That's how much I think of her. She is an absolute darling. She's dating some other guy now so unfortunately her chances are slim.
Jane Levy - Ha, I only put her in my five after seeing COMMERCIALS of Suburgatory, an ABC sitcom. I never even watched the show. I know she wasn't in my five long.
Molly Ephraim - When I watched Last Man Standing, Molly Ephraim was an absolute babe. I stopped watching the show so I lost interest in her. I recently checked out the show to find she changed her hair and for the worse... change it back, Molly!
Justine Ezarik - iJustine! She's such a cool chick, liking video games and a bunch of nerdy stuff. But she's been in relationships and she's about 6 years older than me.
Elizabeth Olsen - Who would've thought the Olsen twins' younger sister would turn out to be 10x hotter than them, combined? Elizabeth caught my heart in Oldboy, and I had to include her for a short while. Plus, she's exactly my age.
Anna Kendrick - Anna Kendrick may be the coolest chick on the planet. Her tweets are hilarious. I know there are thousands of guys who'd love to date her. And for a while, I was one of them.
Sarah Hyland - The older sister on Modern Family, Sarah has got a rockin' bod and an amazing smile. But she just isn't curvy enough... or something.
Shannon Woodward - I fell in love with her on Raising Hope just like Jimmy did. But her age caught up to her.
Hayden Panettiere - She may have been in my original five. I was in love with Hayden. But sadly, she got married and had a kid with, of all people, a Russian boxer dude named Wladimir Klitchko. She, aside from one other female celebrity, had the longest stay on my five and it was a sad, sad day when I had to remove her.
Samantha Barks - I fell in love with her watching Les Miserables, but as she hasn't been in anything else I've seen I lost interest. I certainly thought she was the hotter of the two girls Eddie Redmayne's character was torn between.
Ellen Page - I present to you, the only known lesbian that was in my five! But of course when I had her on it was before I knew. I can't even remember when or why I put her in my five, to be honest.
Vanessa Hudgens - Vanessa is proof when you mix races and make a kid, you can make something absolutely gorgeous. She's currently dating some Austin dude, so she won't see a return to my five soon, if ever.
Juno Temple - This British actress won me over in Killer Joe and Horns, thanks to some very nice nude scenes. She's petite and perfectly proportioned. But I could only have one British actress in my five, I realized.
Selena Gomez - Ah, Selena. I'm pretty sure this was before she dated the Biebs. Now she's like tainted meat. Well, not that bad, but you get what I'm saying.
Kat Dennings - Kat is so curvy she HAD to be included. But she's dating someone right now, I believe (Josh Groban?)
Demi Lovato - Demi is gorgeous, but she's dating Wilmer Valderama.
Jennifer Lawrence - Yep, I caught the J-Law hype train for a while but I've now come to realize I'm not really that attracted to her. Her acting attracts me more to her now than her appearance.
Ariana Grande - Yep, this petite Latina diva was in my five. But after finding out the only guys she really ever dates are black... kinda turned me off.
Francia Raisa - I barely watched "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", but that's what I know her from. She is curvy and has some of the most kissable lips I've ever seen. But what has she done lately?
Kate Upton - Yep, this blonde bombshell was in my five. What guy wouldn't? But one, she is/was dating Justin Verlander, and two, she's quite a bit taller than me.
Lily Collins - She is so beautiful, and I fell in love with her in The Blind Side and Abduction. But like I said with Juno Temple, only room for one British actress.
Shawn Johnson - The former Olympic gymnast made my five, mainly for her petite size and her adorable smile. But she's engaged (married?) now to a football player.
Milana Vayntrub - Milana, oh how you caught my heart in your AT&T commercials. Yes, she is the chick from those commercials. I had to remove her from my five because I don't know her age and I heard a rumor that she is a lesbian. Never seen any instagram/media posts showing her with a guy.
Maiara Walsh - To be honest I only put Maiara in my five because she was born in Seattle, and I wanted to have someone in my five at the time who ACTUALLY might be in the Seattle area, seeing as she's from here.
Emilia Clarke - I love Emilia. Her accent, her smile... just perfection. But she has gotten too well-known and like I've said before, only room for one British actress.
Kate Mara - Kate just has a presence on camera that draws me to her. It's indescribable. But she's a bit too old for me and she's dating someone right now, I believe.
Camilla Luddington - I fell in love with her on Californication (not the only actress, see below!) but she's just a bit too old for me.... but what a body. And of course, her accent.
Alicia Von Rittberg - Only those who have seen Fury know her. She was the German chick that Logan Lerman's character fooled around with. She was very desirable in that film, but she's been in nothing else, literally.
Addison Timlin - I think the hottest sex scene in a TV show involved this chick (And David Duchovny... ugh). She has an absolute PERFECT body. If you have Netflix, go check out her scene in Californication. But she just hasn't been in anything else that I've seen.
Jen Matichuk - I know Jen from being one of the crew members on "Good Mythical Morning", a show with Rhett and Link on YouTube. She makes appearances from time to time including the mail opening "Good Mythical More" segments on Thursdays, and she's always a delight to see. But she's just a bit too... sporty for me.
Mackenzie Rosman - I had to bump her off recently to great sorrow. Those Maxim shots that came out with her were AMAZING. But I guess she just has that young girl look to her that kinda turns me off. I still see young Ruthie in there.
Ashley Benson - She's literally quite perfect. Blonde, blue eyes, curvy.... great smile. But there's just something about her that makes me keep her from my five. But she'll always have a chance to jump back in.
OK! Now on to my current five!
5. Abigail Breslin
I know, I know, the little girl from "Little Miss Sunshine". But she has grown up into one of the most beautiful women on the planet, and quite curvy too! Go watch "The Call" and tell me she doesn't look hot. In that, she's kidnapped and a guy lives out his fantasy with his sister with her (nothing that sexual). She is seen in her bra and wow... that's all I've got to say. She's pale but beautiful.
4. Daisy Ridley
You know how I said there was only room for one British actress in my five? I lied. There's room for two. But Daisy's only the first of two. After seeing Star Wars The Force Awakens I gotta say while she never reveals anything, frankly, she still has such an adorable accent and smile. She's the new Princess Leia. I have to include her.
3. Lia Marie Johnson
She's only 19 as of me writing this, but hey, that's legal. Yes, she got her start on kids react when she was a preteen, but man has she grown into one of the most beautiful women... ever. I'm sure the Fine Bros both wank themselves every night thinking of her. Some of her Instagram/Facebook posts are just heavenly.
2. Alexandra Daddario
This chick should be a household name. She's getting there, but slowly. Her scene in True Detective... wooh.... when I first saw it I almost jizzed in my pants without even touching myself. She's got the absolute perfect breasts and has the most gorgeous eyes.
1. Emma Watson
The one. She's been in my five since the beginning. I love her. The funny thing is, she's not exceptionally curvy or have a great ass, but she just exudes beauty. I love her accent, eyes, and literally every time I see a movie of hers now my heart melts. Hard to see her ever leaving my five.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Monday, July 20, 2015
Racial Stereotypes Learned from working at a Grocery Store
Having worked at a grocery store chain (Safeway) for 6 years now, I've developed some racist stereotypes about different races that never stops surprising me. Obviously, these are going to be racist and I apologize if any of these offend you. Here are the few I've developed:
- Asians and their deals
Asians love sales. If corn or a certain type of fruit or meat is on sale they get it, and they get a LOT of it. Had an Asian family once get FORTY ears of corn when they were real cheap. It makes me wonder--Do they really consume THAT much of a particular food product in a short time period (before it goes bad) or do they possibly resell it at a slightly higher price for profit? There's just something ingrained in Asian culture that they must stock up on a fruit/veggie/meat item if it's on a really good sale. Every time I see a good sale on an item I always think "Yep, Asians are going to be getting a lot of those this week". And every time they get a lot of something I always think in my mind "Asians and their deals".
- Indians and their veggies, need for club cards, and bagging (usually organic) cartons of milk
Oh Indian people. I mean the ones ACTUALLY FROM INDIA. First off, they always buy tons of vegetables. That's like their whole diet. No wonder you hardly see any obese Indian people. Hard to get obese eating just vegetables. Secondly, I wish I had a nickel for every time an Indian person said to me "I don't have my club card with me". Somehow, something in their DNA makes them forget their club card EVERY... SINGLE... TIME. Some of them will have a phone number that works and some of them don't have one at all and have to get a new one. I swear, over half of the club cards I've given out recently have been to Indian people. Finally, Indians love their organic milk. In fact, every single time I've had to deal with someone asking me if there was any organic gallons of milk in the back (dairy cooler), it was an Indian person. EVERY... SINGLE... TIME. About half of them want their milk bagged which is a lot higher than any other race. It makes sense; most of them live in apartments/condos and often times to get to an apartment you have to go up or down a set of stairs, so milk in a bag helps.
Also, Indian people, more than any other race, question prices! Just recently I have had a flurry of Indian people questioning prices. Usually Indian people are pretty well off, working at places like Microsoft and Google, but they just have something about the way their raised to get everything they want and to NEVER get cheated. Most of the time they're wrong, of course, but their sense of entitlement drives me NUTS.
- Rednecks/Trailer Trash and EBT
I'd say a majority of people that use EBT (Food stamps) are what you'd call "Trailer trash" or a "Redneck". They get food stamps and welfare from the government and it NEVER EVER surprises me when a trailer trash looking person says they're paying with EBT. What bugs me is that they always buy JUNK. Soda, chips, frozen meals that aren't healthy for you, etc. Hardly ever see them buy fresh veggies or fruit, and if they do it's in the minority of what they're purchasing.
- Mexicans and their dirty club cards, their love for junk and Mexican foods
Now Mexicans come in different varieties: Some know English well and some don't. If ever I get a male Mexican customer and he looks like he has a dirty job (Mechanic, painter, landscaper), he ALWAYS has a dirty club card. Every time! Also, I get a lot of Mexican families that like junk like soda and chips. They also love getting tostadas and all the types of peppers we carry: jalapeno, pasilla, anaheim, and even the dried ancho and chili peppers. There are just some grocery orders that you could show me that I'd know instantly what race they are, and often times Mexicans get exactly what I expect them to get.
- Eastern Europeans and their love of bread
This usually applies to the ones with an accent and/or not so good English. They love our bread in the bakery, especially the french bread and the baguettes. I'd say they account for half the sales of those long pieces of bread. It's like damn, you like your bread!
- Black people sure love their meat
Seeing a black vegetarian to me would be like seeing a rich person paying with EBT. Just doesn't look right. Black people LOVE their meat, whether it be frozen, already cooked, or raw. Of course, their favorite kind of meat is fried chicken, haha. There's a black couple that shops at our store roughly once or twice a month and always get a SHIT TON of meat, accounting for at least half of their bill.
Well that's all I have for now, if I think of any others I'll be sure to put it on here!
- Asians and their deals
Asians love sales. If corn or a certain type of fruit or meat is on sale they get it, and they get a LOT of it. Had an Asian family once get FORTY ears of corn when they were real cheap. It makes me wonder--Do they really consume THAT much of a particular food product in a short time period (before it goes bad) or do they possibly resell it at a slightly higher price for profit? There's just something ingrained in Asian culture that they must stock up on a fruit/veggie/meat item if it's on a really good sale. Every time I see a good sale on an item I always think "Yep, Asians are going to be getting a lot of those this week". And every time they get a lot of something I always think in my mind "Asians and their deals".
- Indians and their veggies, need for club cards, and bagging (usually organic) cartons of milk
Oh Indian people. I mean the ones ACTUALLY FROM INDIA. First off, they always buy tons of vegetables. That's like their whole diet. No wonder you hardly see any obese Indian people. Hard to get obese eating just vegetables. Secondly, I wish I had a nickel for every time an Indian person said to me "I don't have my club card with me". Somehow, something in their DNA makes them forget their club card EVERY... SINGLE... TIME. Some of them will have a phone number that works and some of them don't have one at all and have to get a new one. I swear, over half of the club cards I've given out recently have been to Indian people. Finally, Indians love their organic milk. In fact, every single time I've had to deal with someone asking me if there was any organic gallons of milk in the back (dairy cooler), it was an Indian person. EVERY... SINGLE... TIME. About half of them want their milk bagged which is a lot higher than any other race. It makes sense; most of them live in apartments/condos and often times to get to an apartment you have to go up or down a set of stairs, so milk in a bag helps.
Also, Indian people, more than any other race, question prices! Just recently I have had a flurry of Indian people questioning prices. Usually Indian people are pretty well off, working at places like Microsoft and Google, but they just have something about the way their raised to get everything they want and to NEVER get cheated. Most of the time they're wrong, of course, but their sense of entitlement drives me NUTS.
- Rednecks/Trailer Trash and EBT
I'd say a majority of people that use EBT (Food stamps) are what you'd call "Trailer trash" or a "Redneck". They get food stamps and welfare from the government and it NEVER EVER surprises me when a trailer trash looking person says they're paying with EBT. What bugs me is that they always buy JUNK. Soda, chips, frozen meals that aren't healthy for you, etc. Hardly ever see them buy fresh veggies or fruit, and if they do it's in the minority of what they're purchasing.
- Mexicans and their dirty club cards, their love for junk and Mexican foods
Now Mexicans come in different varieties: Some know English well and some don't. If ever I get a male Mexican customer and he looks like he has a dirty job (Mechanic, painter, landscaper), he ALWAYS has a dirty club card. Every time! Also, I get a lot of Mexican families that like junk like soda and chips. They also love getting tostadas and all the types of peppers we carry: jalapeno, pasilla, anaheim, and even the dried ancho and chili peppers. There are just some grocery orders that you could show me that I'd know instantly what race they are, and often times Mexicans get exactly what I expect them to get.
- Eastern Europeans and their love of bread
This usually applies to the ones with an accent and/or not so good English. They love our bread in the bakery, especially the french bread and the baguettes. I'd say they account for half the sales of those long pieces of bread. It's like damn, you like your bread!
- Black people sure love their meat
Seeing a black vegetarian to me would be like seeing a rich person paying with EBT. Just doesn't look right. Black people LOVE their meat, whether it be frozen, already cooked, or raw. Of course, their favorite kind of meat is fried chicken, haha. There's a black couple that shops at our store roughly once or twice a month and always get a SHIT TON of meat, accounting for at least half of their bill.
Well that's all I have for now, if I think of any others I'll be sure to put it on here!
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
50 Annoyances of Being a Cashier at Safeway
1. Customers sliding their card BEFORE selecting payment type. People complain that the machines are different, but here's a rule to go by. READ, DAMNIT. If you follow what the PIN PAD tells you to do, you shouldn't have any problems.
2. People who invade the personal space of the customer I'm helping. WAIT YOUR TURN!
3. People who don't put a divider down and set their items fairly closely to the previous customer's.
4. Not getting a day off that you needed off just because someone had slightly more seniority than you and their need was not as great as yours.
5. Coming to a checkstand that has no 20's, and someone instantly asks for $60 or more cash back.
6. Coming to a checkstand that's filthy (Trash everywhere, money and coupons not organized, etc.)
7. People asking me if I'm open when my light is on and I am either A) helping a customer or B) Waiting patiently for a customer
8. People NOT asking me if I'm open when my light is off.
9. People leaving their receipts and coupons at the end of the checkstand.
10. People leaving their baskets on the floor (tripping hazard!)
11. People waiting in my line for cigarettes, stamps, a question, or a price check, when customer service is open and not busy at all.
12. Customers not putting their leaky and juicy meats in a plastic bag.
13. Customers who don't even respond to "Hi, how are you today?" Not... a... word.
14. Customers on their phone when I need to ask them something (price they want on a gift card, if they want help out, etc.)
15. Customers who complain to me about ANYTHING that is not my fault (selection or lack of helpfulness in a department, price of a product, etc.)
16. Customers who come to me with several (and by several I mean 4, 5, or more) problems and/or returns. GO... TO... CUSTOMER... SERVICE!
17. Customers who don't get WIC right and then get upset when they can't get that particular product. BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS!
18. Getting a lunch 2 hours into an 8 hour shift (yes, that has happened to me before).
19. Not getting a lunch for an 8 hour shift.
20. Only getting one 15 minute break for a 6 and a half hour shift.
21. Customers asking me questions when I'm on break/lunch or off.
22. Customers asking me if we have extra stock of product in the back, holding my line up
23. Customers not seeing "Must by 4 or more" type labels, and then complaining about it.
24. Customers who eat their groceries in front of me when I'm hungry myself.
25. Customers who return and try to get my help (buy something, price question, etc.) from the end of the checkstand rather than returning to the line
26. Customers who try to type in their phone number or swipe their card before I've even signed on or scanned an item. Does the PIN pad look like it's ready for you?!
27. Customers who swipe their payment card on the Safeway club card screen, and then say that it didn't ask for their Safeway card.
28. When I need to go to the bathroom, go on break, go home, etc., and I have my light off, yet people continue to show up.
29. Customers asking for products that a regular grocery store wouldn't carry (electronics, car supplies, etc.)
30. I love you baby! :} <--- Amanda put this in while I was away... how sweet of her :) I love you too sweetheart
30. Customers who ask me to use my own club card. You think I'm allowed to do that? Really?
31. Having a customer who needs a carryout but no courtesy clerks around <--- This is the worst.
32. Having to bag all of the groceries for a few hours because the store short-staffed a certain period or a courtesy clerk didn't show up to their shift.
33. Having customers complain about the lack of help. Don't you think I'd want the help? I should be the one complaining! At least you get to leave!
34. Having to deal with some people you can't stand on a routine basis (the regulars)
35. Customer service/the office not responding to your office calls when you need cash the most.
36. Checkstands freezing on you at the worst times.
37. Slow and incompetent baggers.
38. DAMN... PLASTIC... BAGS! Put a slightly sharp item in it, pokes straight through the bag.
39. Bags sticking to one another when you pull one off.
40. Bags not pulling the next one forward a bit when you pull it off.
41. Customers putting money on one of the belts... THAT'S WHAT THE COUNTERS ARE FOR!
42. Customers whose cards don't work (TENDER DECLINED) and get frustrated at you/the machine when it's clearly their bank or them.
43. RUNNING OUT OF PAPER BAGS! I know they cost more to make... but less than 10% of customers ask for them. Stop being so cheap, Safeway.
44. Being recognized at other places by regular customers. "Hey, you work at Safeway!" "Yeah, I know... (Don't remind me)."
45. Something like the belt, screen, scale, or scanner not working properly (Had all 4 malfunction on me).
46. Customer forgetting some of their groceries and having to chase them down (Especially when they only have 1 bag)
47. Customers who pay with EBT and either A) Think that something can go on EBT when it can't, B) Don't have enough to pay for their groceries and have to take something off or C) Can't figure out their PIN or balance and request a balance without a purchase.
48. People who write checks for a bunch of money over the total and their check doesn't go through. Checks are not forms of money; they are statements to a bank!
49. Customers who wonder why their total is so high and question almost every price.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. Having to bite my tongue at customers and at my managers so that I have to vent here.
2. People who invade the personal space of the customer I'm helping. WAIT YOUR TURN!
3. People who don't put a divider down and set their items fairly closely to the previous customer's.
4. Not getting a day off that you needed off just because someone had slightly more seniority than you and their need was not as great as yours.
5. Coming to a checkstand that has no 20's, and someone instantly asks for $60 or more cash back.
6. Coming to a checkstand that's filthy (Trash everywhere, money and coupons not organized, etc.)
7. People asking me if I'm open when my light is on and I am either A) helping a customer or B) Waiting patiently for a customer
8. People NOT asking me if I'm open when my light is off.
9. People leaving their receipts and coupons at the end of the checkstand.
10. People leaving their baskets on the floor (tripping hazard!)
11. People waiting in my line for cigarettes, stamps, a question, or a price check, when customer service is open and not busy at all.
12. Customers not putting their leaky and juicy meats in a plastic bag.
13. Customers who don't even respond to "Hi, how are you today?" Not... a... word.
14. Customers on their phone when I need to ask them something (price they want on a gift card, if they want help out, etc.)
15. Customers who complain to me about ANYTHING that is not my fault (selection or lack of helpfulness in a department, price of a product, etc.)
16. Customers who come to me with several (and by several I mean 4, 5, or more) problems and/or returns. GO... TO... CUSTOMER... SERVICE!
17. Customers who don't get WIC right and then get upset when they can't get that particular product. BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS!
18. Getting a lunch 2 hours into an 8 hour shift (yes, that has happened to me before).
19. Not getting a lunch for an 8 hour shift.
20. Only getting one 15 minute break for a 6 and a half hour shift.
21. Customers asking me questions when I'm on break/lunch or off.
22. Customers asking me if we have extra stock of product in the back, holding my line up
23. Customers not seeing "Must by 4 or more" type labels, and then complaining about it.
24. Customers who eat their groceries in front of me when I'm hungry myself.
25. Customers who return and try to get my help (buy something, price question, etc.) from the end of the checkstand rather than returning to the line
26. Customers who try to type in their phone number or swipe their card before I've even signed on or scanned an item. Does the PIN pad look like it's ready for you?!
27. Customers who swipe their payment card on the Safeway club card screen, and then say that it didn't ask for their Safeway card.
28. When I need to go to the bathroom, go on break, go home, etc., and I have my light off, yet people continue to show up.
29. Customers asking for products that a regular grocery store wouldn't carry (electronics, car supplies, etc.)
30. I love you baby! :} <--- Amanda put this in while I was away... how sweet of her :) I love you too sweetheart
30. Customers who ask me to use my own club card. You think I'm allowed to do that? Really?
31. Having a customer who needs a carryout but no courtesy clerks around <--- This is the worst.
32. Having to bag all of the groceries for a few hours because the store short-staffed a certain period or a courtesy clerk didn't show up to their shift.
33. Having customers complain about the lack of help. Don't you think I'd want the help? I should be the one complaining! At least you get to leave!
34. Having to deal with some people you can't stand on a routine basis (the regulars)
35. Customer service/the office not responding to your office calls when you need cash the most.
36. Checkstands freezing on you at the worst times.
37. Slow and incompetent baggers.
38. DAMN... PLASTIC... BAGS! Put a slightly sharp item in it, pokes straight through the bag.
39. Bags sticking to one another when you pull one off.
40. Bags not pulling the next one forward a bit when you pull it off.
41. Customers putting money on one of the belts... THAT'S WHAT THE COUNTERS ARE FOR!
42. Customers whose cards don't work (TENDER DECLINED) and get frustrated at you/the machine when it's clearly their bank or them.
43. RUNNING OUT OF PAPER BAGS! I know they cost more to make... but less than 10% of customers ask for them. Stop being so cheap, Safeway.
44. Being recognized at other places by regular customers. "Hey, you work at Safeway!" "Yeah, I know... (Don't remind me)."
45. Something like the belt, screen, scale, or scanner not working properly (Had all 4 malfunction on me).
46. Customer forgetting some of their groceries and having to chase them down (Especially when they only have 1 bag)
47. Customers who pay with EBT and either A) Think that something can go on EBT when it can't, B) Don't have enough to pay for their groceries and have to take something off or C) Can't figure out their PIN or balance and request a balance without a purchase.
48. People who write checks for a bunch of money over the total and their check doesn't go through. Checks are not forms of money; they are statements to a bank!
49. Customers who wonder why their total is so high and question almost every price.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. Having to bite my tongue at customers and at my managers so that I have to vent here.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Customers
If you work in retail like me, you start to hate people. Not all people. You'll still like your friends and family, but for people that don't fall in either category that you deal with at work, you just start to lose hope for the human race. You start developing stereotypes for certain races, ages, and genders. You can't help but feel disdain and sheer disappointment when a repeat customer (that you don't like) comes through your line.
I hate it when people question prices. We have a screen at work (like most large retail establishments) where people can see the items as they're being rung up. This happens literally every time I work, and I don't use the word "literally" too liberally. They will question a price, and it's one of three things. 1) They couldn't see the sale price come off (idiot) and should just stick to looking at their receipt, which I tell people is a hell of a lot easier to read. 2) The price didn't come off like they thought, usually forcing me to do a price check. These price checks usually result in people not being able to read price tags, like "Must Buy 4".
But it's not just the questions about prices. It's their peculiarity that bothers me. The lady that always requests paper in plastic. The guy who always asks for double paper, shortening our paper bag supply. The customers who (if you don't have a bagger and they have a large order) don't help you load a single bag into their cart. Customers who stand at the end of your checkstand scrutinizing and glossing over detail on their receipt, assuming you, the cashier, got something wrong because THEIR total was higher than they expected. Oh, and the customers who complain that something, or groceries in general, are expensive. One, it's called inflation, and two, you obviously didn't do a good job of shopping if your total is so high and your cart not that full.
I'm fortunate that I am such a patient person. Perhaps not with my friends and family, but at work in a professional environment I have the patience of a saint, and I have been told that more than once by people. There are certain customers that I would love to just switch places with and see how they like it. Oh, and if you ever come to my line in a bad mood, don't expect much sympathy or good service. People have bad days, and frankly, we're not your therapist so we don't need to hear about it. We're just one of the few people you might breeze by that day, and if your day happens to include something negative, we don't need to hear it. It's literally a waste of your time, it won't make you feel better, and you just made someone else feel worse, too.
I hate to say this, but seeing as this is my uncensored and unfiltered blog, I'm going to. There are certain customers, that, given the opportunity and if I was told there wouldn't be any possibility of any repercussions or consequences, I would beat the crap out of. There are some I'd just like to scream at, but there are certainly some I'd like to take a punch or two at. I don't care if you're an old lady. If you're going to be a bitch to me, I'm going to wish you go to hell when you die. There's this one old lady I've seen only about a half dozen times or so in my five years of working at Safeway. She's obviously had a stroke, seeing as half of her face appears to be frozen. She is by far, the rudest elderly woman I've ever met. She's sworn in front of me, and yelled at me for bagging two 64 oz drinks together. I swear, if she ever goes through my line again and is rude in an uncalled-for manner, I am going to let her hear it. I've never blown my top with a customer, but there are a select few that I might do it for given certain circumstances.
So customers, I conclude with this: I don't look forward to my job and I don't look forward to helping you. (Well, the select few people I know outside of work are ok :) ) But if I only know you through Safeway, I don't really care to know you any more. We checkers look on every customer as if they are a tiny reason we're tired and/or unhappy. We do our job because the big guys upstairs pay us little as they can get away with because we need to get by in life. We don't need you assholes making it any harder for us. *Drops Mic*
I hate it when people question prices. We have a screen at work (like most large retail establishments) where people can see the items as they're being rung up. This happens literally every time I work, and I don't use the word "literally" too liberally. They will question a price, and it's one of three things. 1) They couldn't see the sale price come off (idiot) and should just stick to looking at their receipt, which I tell people is a hell of a lot easier to read. 2) The price didn't come off like they thought, usually forcing me to do a price check. These price checks usually result in people not being able to read price tags, like "Must Buy 4".
But it's not just the questions about prices. It's their peculiarity that bothers me. The lady that always requests paper in plastic. The guy who always asks for double paper, shortening our paper bag supply. The customers who (if you don't have a bagger and they have a large order) don't help you load a single bag into their cart. Customers who stand at the end of your checkstand scrutinizing and glossing over detail on their receipt, assuming you, the cashier, got something wrong because THEIR total was higher than they expected. Oh, and the customers who complain that something, or groceries in general, are expensive. One, it's called inflation, and two, you obviously didn't do a good job of shopping if your total is so high and your cart not that full.
I'm fortunate that I am such a patient person. Perhaps not with my friends and family, but at work in a professional environment I have the patience of a saint, and I have been told that more than once by people. There are certain customers that I would love to just switch places with and see how they like it. Oh, and if you ever come to my line in a bad mood, don't expect much sympathy or good service. People have bad days, and frankly, we're not your therapist so we don't need to hear about it. We're just one of the few people you might breeze by that day, and if your day happens to include something negative, we don't need to hear it. It's literally a waste of your time, it won't make you feel better, and you just made someone else feel worse, too.
I hate to say this, but seeing as this is my uncensored and unfiltered blog, I'm going to. There are certain customers, that, given the opportunity and if I was told there wouldn't be any possibility of any repercussions or consequences, I would beat the crap out of. There are some I'd just like to scream at, but there are certainly some I'd like to take a punch or two at. I don't care if you're an old lady. If you're going to be a bitch to me, I'm going to wish you go to hell when you die. There's this one old lady I've seen only about a half dozen times or so in my five years of working at Safeway. She's obviously had a stroke, seeing as half of her face appears to be frozen. She is by far, the rudest elderly woman I've ever met. She's sworn in front of me, and yelled at me for bagging two 64 oz drinks together. I swear, if she ever goes through my line again and is rude in an uncalled-for manner, I am going to let her hear it. I've never blown my top with a customer, but there are a select few that I might do it for given certain circumstances.
So customers, I conclude with this: I don't look forward to my job and I don't look forward to helping you. (Well, the select few people I know outside of work are ok :) ) But if I only know you through Safeway, I don't really care to know you any more. We checkers look on every customer as if they are a tiny reason we're tired and/or unhappy. We do our job because the big guys upstairs pay us little as they can get away with because we need to get by in life. We don't need you assholes making it any harder for us. *Drops Mic*
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