Anxiety and Shyness Suck

Having anxiety and being shy sucks.  I'm the biggest introvert I know.  I am never the life of the party.  If I go to a party or social gathering (which is rare in itself, usually I'll try to find an excuse to not go), I will stick by who I'm most comfortable with: my girlfriend, my family, friends.  I hate being this way.  I've been shy and and introvert my whole life.  It's not something I can change about myself.  Meeting new people and doing new things scares me.

Which makes getting a job THAT much tougher.  I was so nervous for my first interview that I drove past the building.  I couldn't do it.  My second interview I actually did, but I was second guessing EVERYTHING I said.  They eventually called me back, but I didn't even have the balls to answer or call THEM back.  They ended up texting me asking if I was still interested and I said no.  Trust me, it wouldn't have been a good fit.  Also, I realized the pay was less than I originally thought.

I've done three phone interviews so far, and I've literally been shaking moments before they called.  I feel like I did them pretty well, but obviously not well enough.  The first one didn't get back to me.  The second had the in person interview mentioned above.  The third didn't get back to me, either.

Why does it have to be so fucking hard for someone like me?  Now I got some recruiter emailing me saying they want to meet in Seattle.  Driving to downtown Seattle is stressful enough!  That's why I didn't do the first interview scheduled: The drive there was stressful enough with traffic.

I've had borderline panic attacks throughout this process.  Fortunately I haven't had a full-blown attack because I know how to calm myself.  The last attack I can remember was on 4th of July a couple years ago when my girlfriend and I were looking for somewhere to park near Gas Works Park.  Of course, I had no luck.  Some asshole pedestrian stood in the only open street parking spot waiting for someone else.  I remember driving further and feeling the attack coming on and not being able to do anything about it because I was driving and I was in an unfamiliar area.  I eventually pulled into a Safeway parking lot and collapsed as the attack came over me.

I wish there was something I could do to make this easier.  I wish an employer could understand my anxiety and make accommodations.  I wish I didn't fucking have this anxiety.