Feeling Useless

As my job search struggles continue, a feeling of uselessness is coming on.  I am always at home, seldomly with a place I have to go.  I want to find a job really badly, but I have had no luck so far.  Most of the time I stay home, and I do various chores and tasks around the apartment to try to make myself feel useful.  I'll start and clear the dishwasher, cook dinner for myself and Amanda, do laundry, clean various things, and fix various things.  But I can only do so much around the apartment. 

The thing I hate most about not having a job is thinking what others might think of me.  I'm not worried about Amanda, but Lowen my roommate I'm sure despises me a bit for not working for 4 months.  My parents are supportive but I know I'm letting them down a bit.  I no longer work with my sister and I haven't seen her in months.  But all together I hate what they must do when they are asked about me.  They either have to lie or tell people the truth, both of which are hard to do.  And because of my actions they've had to do that.

I feel so bad that everyone my age that I care about is working and I am not.  I am trying every day to find a job.  There's only so many jobs out there I am capable of doing and getting, and only a small fraction of those I apply for give me a shot.  And so far, of that small fraction, no one has given me the job. 

I can't live off of my savings forever.  There are a couple jobs I have in mind that I could go for that I'm 90%+ sure I would get.  They are Amazon, and somewhere in retail such as Target.  I haven't applied for a retail job like Target because like I've said before, I don't want to work in retail again.  I swear my 10 years at Safeway took 10 years off my life.  And I did attempt an Amazon driver job, but it was a hassle to get to, so I quit.  But there is an Amazon/Whole Foods shopper job.  However, my roommate Lowen has a friend who works for Amazon who says she hates it.  So you can understand my hesitancy.

I seem to have gotten a bit of higher response recently, as I am currently in the middle of the hiring process with two jobs.  One I already did an in-person interview for and I am waiting for them to get back to me, and the other I go to my in-person interview tomorrow.  I am crossing my fingers I get one of these two jobs. 

All in all, I really want this feeling of uselessness to go away, and there's only one way to do that.  I know once I get a job, I will feel so much more productive and useful.  Here's hoping I find one soon!