If you have read my blog posts before this you will know I am currently unemployed after being fired. And almost three months after being officially fired, I still have yet to find a job. It's not for a lack of trying. As I mentioned in a previous post, I suffer from social anxiety. It makes a lot of jobs undesirable and just getting a job difficult.
I know it's not just my anxiety holding me back. It's also my lack of experience and schooling. I have an associate's degree, but that's it. I worked for ten years in the retail industry and so far that's been my only job. So it's basically impossible for me to get a non entry-level job.
I have now applied for over 80 jobs. Most do not get back to me. I am looking on Indeed, ZipRecruiter, Craigslist, LinkedIn, Workstep, and even Facebook. Even if a company gets back to me, I know it's no guarantee I'll get the job. My thought process has often been why go through all the anxiety if I'm not going to get the job anyway? If it's a job that I have any problems with, I'll immediately think of them and just decide the anxiety's not worth it. For example, if I'd have to drive all the way to downtown Seattle every day to get to work. What's the point? However, there have been a few jobs I have applied for that I thought would be near perfect for me. One of which I came just a step or two from getting it, and I went through a lot just to be told I didn't get it.
With my history in retail, it might seem practical if not obvious to just go back to working retail. But I really, really do not want to. If you go to one of my earlier posts on this blog you'll see my complaints about customers. I hate dealing with customers. The only reason I put up with them at my last job is because anxiety itself kept me working there. Now that I am out of retail, I don't ever want to go back. The only way I would is if I were to work for a retail outlet that would have very little to no customer involvement. But even then would be a near last resort, because I know retail operations. They would find some way to get me to deal with customers more than I'd like because I'm good at it.
I did quote on quote "get a job" within the past couple weeks. I applied for an Amazon delivery driver position. I went into the hiring process. I went to orientation and training for two days. But when it came to the actual job, I couldn't do it. My biggest concern was the location, which was southwest Seattle. If I'm lucky it's a 40 minute drive, on top of the 8 hours of driving I'd have to do for my job. Why go through with it then? Well I was hoping the location to pick the delivery van up from would be near where the training was (which was a lot closer to I-90). Boy was I wrong. But at least I got paid for the orientation/training.
I am willing to do a lot. I am willing to start at low pay and work my way up (again). I am willing to drive a bit (to an extent, willing to drive further if my job doesn't involve driving). I am willing to work long days and overtime. I am willing to miss holidays, weekends, you name it.
So if anyone reading this has any ideas or offers, I'm all ears. As I said, I do suffer from social anxiety but once I get to know someone I can be pretty talkative. It's just hard for me to do certain things that are unfamiliar to me. If anything happens on the job front, I'll update it here. I'm still looking and applying and most importantly, I will not give up.
Monday, August 5, 2019
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
My Thoughts on Suicide and Self Harm
As my closest friends and family know, I am currently unemployed. I have been trying to find a job for almost 3 months now, with not much luck. It gets pretty depressing when company after company rejects you or ghosts you. I am doing my best to stay upbeat, but it can be tough at times. I could probably get an easy retail job again but I know I'd be even more miserable. I was smart enough to build up my savings a bit so I'm not in a huge hurry, but I hate not doing anything.
I would say I'm about as depressed as I've ever been. I am certainly lacking fulfillment in my life. I feel pathetic and useless. I've tried to stay useful by doing most of the chores around the apartment (cleaning, dishes, garbage), but that fulfills me to the extent a shot of whiskey would quench the thirst of someone really thirsty.
I am depressed, but I am not suicidal. I've never really talked about my beliefs much, but if I believed in anything it would be traditional Christian beliefs: A heaven and hell, God and Jesus, and no reincarnation. I believe each of us only gets one shot of a life here on Earth. So my point is: Why throw it away? I know, life can get so painful and mentally torturous that death seems like a sweet release. I don't look at it that way. I have had some bad experiences and rough patches in life (as we all have), but I always know things get better. It may take a long time (as this particular instance is seeming to), but eventually things will improve and I will be much happier.
I also do not believe in self harm. I'd hate to see scars on my body and regret what I did later in life. But more so, I just think self-harm doesn't do much good. If anything, it's a cry for help and a cry for attention. From that standpoint, I can see why it would appeal to people. But I have the insight to know that any self-harming act I would regret. The only "self-harm" I would ever do would be punching a hard object such as a wall, for the purpose of letting out my frustration or anger.
So anyone close to me you need not worry. I don't want to die. I just want things to get better. But they won't just get better on their own. They won't get better magically overnight. I just wish there was an easier way of making things better.
I would say I'm about as depressed as I've ever been. I am certainly lacking fulfillment in my life. I feel pathetic and useless. I've tried to stay useful by doing most of the chores around the apartment (cleaning, dishes, garbage), but that fulfills me to the extent a shot of whiskey would quench the thirst of someone really thirsty.
I am depressed, but I am not suicidal. I've never really talked about my beliefs much, but if I believed in anything it would be traditional Christian beliefs: A heaven and hell, God and Jesus, and no reincarnation. I believe each of us only gets one shot of a life here on Earth. So my point is: Why throw it away? I know, life can get so painful and mentally torturous that death seems like a sweet release. I don't look at it that way. I have had some bad experiences and rough patches in life (as we all have), but I always know things get better. It may take a long time (as this particular instance is seeming to), but eventually things will improve and I will be much happier.
I also do not believe in self harm. I'd hate to see scars on my body and regret what I did later in life. But more so, I just think self-harm doesn't do much good. If anything, it's a cry for help and a cry for attention. From that standpoint, I can see why it would appeal to people. But I have the insight to know that any self-harming act I would regret. The only "self-harm" I would ever do would be punching a hard object such as a wall, for the purpose of letting out my frustration or anger.
So anyone close to me you need not worry. I don't want to die. I just want things to get better. But they won't just get better on their own. They won't get better magically overnight. I just wish there was an easier way of making things better.
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Impatient Drivers: YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST
I would have to say impatient drivers are one of my biggest pet peeves. Impatient people in general, but I can be impatient at times (usually with technology or inanimate objects i.e. slow internet). But to me, impatient drivers are scum of the earth. They are the lowest of the low. They are the crap that crap craps. Why do I think this? Glad you asked.
To get from one destination to another it takes time. The amount of time it takes depends on your method of travel. Walking takes a long time compared to driving, riding a bike, or flying in a plane, for example. What impatient drivers fail to realize is that driving from Point A to Point B takes time. You can't hop over cars, as much as I know you'd like to, assholes. You can't magically get cars to move out of your way like freaking Bruce Almighty.
Impatient drivers on the freeway/highway/interstate don't bother me quite as much as ones in commercial/residential areas. On the freeway, fine, pass me. Usually I won't care. Sometimes I get my joy from blocking in someone who was speeding/tailgating, but more often than not I'll let them go. No, the worst are commercial/residential impatient drivers.
The big difference between the two is traffic signals. There are plenty of traffic signals in commercial and residential areas, but not many on interstates, if any. So when someone has to pass me, even though I am going a bit OVER the speed limit, just to get one car length ahead at the next light, you can understand why that gets under my skin. I wish I had a nickel for every time this happened: On a two-lane road, going approximately 5 MPH OVER the speed limit. Someone comes up and rides my ass, then changes lane and passes me. Often times they'll only get one or two cars ahead of me. It's so sad that humankind has resorted to this level of impatience. I have often responded by speeding up so they can't pass me, which does work sometimes. Hey, if they can go that fast, so can I. Any police officer in their right mind would pull over the other guy, because they sped first and more than myself.
Just the other day I was pulling out of a shopping area and turning right onto a fairly busy street. It was just the start of the end of the work day for most people so traffic was fairly bad. I waited for a while for an opening, about a minute tops. Around halfway through this waiting someone pulled up behind me also looking to turn out. So after a minute (may have been less), I see a small opening. It's pretty small, mind you. I decide not to risk it, seeing as everyone was driving 40 MPH or so. Right as that small window was closing, the guy behind me blared on his horn. I couldn't believe it. I was so ticked off. Even if I had gone and squeezed myself into that small window, he would certainly not have been able to. How can someone be THAT impatient?
If you are one of these drivers, I absolutely despise you. The road is a place for everyone, from 16-year-olds to the elderly. Yet, you treat it like some sort of race track/obstacle course where every other car is just a nuisance. Please reevaluate how you drive and consider others are trying to get to their destination in a timely fashion as well. Or maybe, just realize that time is NOT money, and the most important thing is that you get to your destination safely and you don't put anyone else in danger in the process. Thanks.
To get from one destination to another it takes time. The amount of time it takes depends on your method of travel. Walking takes a long time compared to driving, riding a bike, or flying in a plane, for example. What impatient drivers fail to realize is that driving from Point A to Point B takes time. You can't hop over cars, as much as I know you'd like to, assholes. You can't magically get cars to move out of your way like freaking Bruce Almighty.
Impatient drivers on the freeway/highway/interstate don't bother me quite as much as ones in commercial/residential areas. On the freeway, fine, pass me. Usually I won't care. Sometimes I get my joy from blocking in someone who was speeding/tailgating, but more often than not I'll let them go. No, the worst are commercial/residential impatient drivers.
The big difference between the two is traffic signals. There are plenty of traffic signals in commercial and residential areas, but not many on interstates, if any. So when someone has to pass me, even though I am going a bit OVER the speed limit, just to get one car length ahead at the next light, you can understand why that gets under my skin. I wish I had a nickel for every time this happened: On a two-lane road, going approximately 5 MPH OVER the speed limit. Someone comes up and rides my ass, then changes lane and passes me. Often times they'll only get one or two cars ahead of me. It's so sad that humankind has resorted to this level of impatience. I have often responded by speeding up so they can't pass me, which does work sometimes. Hey, if they can go that fast, so can I. Any police officer in their right mind would pull over the other guy, because they sped first and more than myself.
Just the other day I was pulling out of a shopping area and turning right onto a fairly busy street. It was just the start of the end of the work day for most people so traffic was fairly bad. I waited for a while for an opening, about a minute tops. Around halfway through this waiting someone pulled up behind me also looking to turn out. So after a minute (may have been less), I see a small opening. It's pretty small, mind you. I decide not to risk it, seeing as everyone was driving 40 MPH or so. Right as that small window was closing, the guy behind me blared on his horn. I couldn't believe it. I was so ticked off. Even if I had gone and squeezed myself into that small window, he would certainly not have been able to. How can someone be THAT impatient?
If you are one of these drivers, I absolutely despise you. The road is a place for everyone, from 16-year-olds to the elderly. Yet, you treat it like some sort of race track/obstacle course where every other car is just a nuisance. Please reevaluate how you drive and consider others are trying to get to their destination in a timely fashion as well. Or maybe, just realize that time is NOT money, and the most important thing is that you get to your destination safely and you don't put anyone else in danger in the process. Thanks.
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Anxiety and Shyness Suck
Having anxiety and being shy sucks. I'm the biggest introvert I know. I am never the life of the party. If I go to a party or social gathering (which is rare in itself, usually I'll try to find an excuse to not go), I will stick by who I'm most comfortable with: my girlfriend, my family, friends. I hate being this way. I've been shy and and introvert my whole life. It's not something I can change about myself. Meeting new people and doing new things scares me.
Which makes getting a job THAT much tougher. I was so nervous for my first interview that I drove past the building. I couldn't do it. My second interview I actually did, but I was second guessing EVERYTHING I said. They eventually called me back, but I didn't even have the balls to answer or call THEM back. They ended up texting me asking if I was still interested and I said no. Trust me, it wouldn't have been a good fit. Also, I realized the pay was less than I originally thought.
I've done three phone interviews so far, and I've literally been shaking moments before they called. I feel like I did them pretty well, but obviously not well enough. The first one didn't get back to me. The second had the in person interview mentioned above. The third didn't get back to me, either.
Why does it have to be so fucking hard for someone like me? Now I got some recruiter emailing me saying they want to meet in Seattle. Driving to downtown Seattle is stressful enough! That's why I didn't do the first interview scheduled: The drive there was stressful enough with traffic.
I've had borderline panic attacks throughout this process. Fortunately I haven't had a full-blown attack because I know how to calm myself. The last attack I can remember was on 4th of July a couple years ago when my girlfriend and I were looking for somewhere to park near Gas Works Park. Of course, I had no luck. Some asshole pedestrian stood in the only open street parking spot waiting for someone else. I remember driving further and feeling the attack coming on and not being able to do anything about it because I was driving and I was in an unfamiliar area. I eventually pulled into a Safeway parking lot and collapsed as the attack came over me.
I wish there was something I could do to make this easier. I wish an employer could understand my anxiety and make accommodations. I wish I didn't fucking have this anxiety.
Which makes getting a job THAT much tougher. I was so nervous for my first interview that I drove past the building. I couldn't do it. My second interview I actually did, but I was second guessing EVERYTHING I said. They eventually called me back, but I didn't even have the balls to answer or call THEM back. They ended up texting me asking if I was still interested and I said no. Trust me, it wouldn't have been a good fit. Also, I realized the pay was less than I originally thought.
I've done three phone interviews so far, and I've literally been shaking moments before they called. I feel like I did them pretty well, but obviously not well enough. The first one didn't get back to me. The second had the in person interview mentioned above. The third didn't get back to me, either.
Why does it have to be so fucking hard for someone like me? Now I got some recruiter emailing me saying they want to meet in Seattle. Driving to downtown Seattle is stressful enough! That's why I didn't do the first interview scheduled: The drive there was stressful enough with traffic.
I've had borderline panic attacks throughout this process. Fortunately I haven't had a full-blown attack because I know how to calm myself. The last attack I can remember was on 4th of July a couple years ago when my girlfriend and I were looking for somewhere to park near Gas Works Park. Of course, I had no luck. Some asshole pedestrian stood in the only open street parking spot waiting for someone else. I remember driving further and feeling the attack coming on and not being able to do anything about it because I was driving and I was in an unfamiliar area. I eventually pulled into a Safeway parking lot and collapsed as the attack came over me.
I wish there was something I could do to make this easier. I wish an employer could understand my anxiety and make accommodations. I wish I didn't fucking have this anxiety.
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Hottest Female Celebrity By Birth Year
Well if you by some chance follow this blog of mine, you know I don't mind talking about hot female celebrities. Well in this one I'm going to go year by year discussing who the hottest celebrity is that was born that year. I started this some time ago and just had to modify it a bit. I will go from 1960 to 1999, so these women will be 19-59 years old. And we're starting with the oldest.
1960: Julianne Moore
Runner Up: Valerie Bertinelli
This was no contest. Julianne Moore may have sex appeal until she's 70. Had to look a bit to find my runner up, Valerie Bertinelli.
1961: Lea Thompson
Runner Up: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lea Thompson is aging like fine wine. She's been hot ever since "Back to the Future" and "All the Right Moves". Haven't heard of it? You should check it out. JLD is a fairly close 2nd.
1962: Jennifer Jason-Leigh
Runner Up: Demi Moore
Not a lot to choose from here... special shoutout to Diane Franklin as she was a fox in the 1980s but now... she just missed the cut. JJL wins without much competition. I've never found Demi Moore that attractive, surprisingly, but even I can see is still pretty.
Edit: This originally had Kelly Preston (RIP), and out of respect for her, I have removed her from this.
1963: Gail O'Grady
Runner Up: Jennifer Beals
I'll be honest; I haven't seen Gail O'Grady in anything, but a quick Google search told me enough. Jennifer Beals is a runner up where there wasn't much to choose from.
1964: Marisa Tomei
Runner Up: Mary-Louise Parker
Now this was a tough one. Marisa's certified MILF status and MLP still has it. I had to leave out Courteney Cox and Monica Bellucci, among others.
1965: Sherilyn Fenn
Runner Up: Diane Lane
Sherilyn Fenn in the 90's... wowza. Diane Lane is aging pretty gracefully, but I had to go with my personal preference.
1966: Salma Hayek
Runner Up: Helena Bonham Carter
I think I picked the overwhelming favorite. Salma is easily the hottest Latina actress over 45. I've noticed a lot of ladies with three names, and HBC is yet another of them. Yet none of them have been my favorite... yet.
1967: Kari Wuhrer
Runner Up: Miranda Otto
Kari gets it by just a bit. She oozes more sex appeal than Miranda (and has done more scenes of that nature).
1968: Molly Ringwald
Runner Up: Naomi Watts
Molly plays moms usually nowadays and she's still hot. Naomi was the runner up because she's aged pretty well.
1969: Jennifer Lopez
Runner Up: Amy Pietz
I know, no Jennifer Aniston. Anyway, J-Lo was a clear frontrunner. No contest. Amy Pietz, if you don't know her, was most notably Donna on the office, one of Michael Scott's flames.
1970: Rachel Weisz
Runner Up: Jennifer Connelly
Into the 70s and I find quite a few beautiful actresses. Had to go with Rachel Weisz as I've liked her for a while. Jennifer Connelly is the runner up, because I mean come on.
1971: Christine Taylor
Runner Up: Cara Buono
Ben Stiller is a lucky man. I've always liked Christine Taylor (maybe not so much when she wore a bald cap on "Friends", lol). Cara Buono is known for recently playing the MILF on Stranger Things, mom to Mike and Nancy.
1972: Sofia Vergara
Runner Up: Alyssa Milano
Sofia is a Columbian goddess. She's got everything. Alyssa is aging well, and she beat out Gabrielle Union and Amanda Peet for runner up.
1973: Kate Beckinsale
Runner Up: Lena Heady
Kate's just gorgeous and has been for a while. Haven't seen her in much, though. Lena's most known for "Game of Thrones" and looked pretty hot, usually in the earlier seasons.
1974: Jenna Fischer
Runner Up: Penelope Cruz
I love Jenna. She's perpetually going to be a MILF to me now. Penelope is aging very well and doesn't look as old as she does. I had to leave out Elizabeth Banks (too many unsexy roles) and Amy Adams (never found her sexy) and Eva Mendes.
1975: Marion Cotillard
Runner Up: Christina Hendricks
Marion is maybe the sexiest French actress... ever. Such beautiful blue eyes. Christina makes it mainly because of her two... assets. Best in Hollywood.
1976: Diane Kruger
Runner Up: Michelle Monaghan
Oh man this year was tough. Had to leave off Reese Witherspoon, Amy Smart, Melissa George, Carice Van Houten, Anna Faris, and Isla Fisher. Diane's just hot... even without makeup. Michelle's just got a natural beauty about her where again, she doesn't need makeup.
1977: Melanie Lynskey
Runner Up: Marguerite Moreau
This one was just as tough, but for a different reason. Not as many contenders, but it was tough to decide who was #1. I choose Melanie because she's defied Hollywood and remained curvy, which I like. Marguerite is aging really well and has such a gorgeous smile.
1978: Aimee Garcia
Runner Up: Zoe Saldana
Aimee has stolen my heart after she was on Dexter. She's so hot; got the nicest little ass. Zoe is gorgeous but I'm not as sexually attracted to her.
1979: Rosario Dawson
Runner Up: Jennifer Morrison
This surprised me too. Rosario doesn't look 40, yet she is. Wow. Jennifer Morrison was hot on "How I Met Your Mother" and that wasn't too long ago.
1980: Eliza Dushku
Runner Up: Olivia Munn
Another tough one. I chose Eliza; I've had a crush on her for years. Olivia Munn beat out Nazanin Boniadi among others for the Runner Up.
1981: Krysten Ritter
Runner Up: Summer Glau
Two bad-ass actresses here. Krysten was Jessica Jones and kicked ass. Summer was Cameron Phillips on "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles".
1982: Hayley Atwell
Runner Up: Priyanka Chopra
I am hereby declaring this the best year for hot actresses. Holy shit. The ones I had to exclude were Jessica Biel, Sophia Bush, Jenny Slate, Elisha Cuthbert, Gina Carano, Lacey Chabert, Allison Brie, Esme Bianco, Lauren Cohan, Cobie Smulders, Kelly Clarkson, and Yvonne Strahovski. Phew! Hayley Atwell is just damn near perfection and I love her. I mean, if Captain America is willing to go back in time for her... And Priyanka Chopra is easily the hottest Indian actress... maybe ever.
1983: Felicity Jones
Runner Up: Camilla Luddington
As you might be able to tell, I have a thing for British women. Felicity just has such kissable lips. And Camilla just has a killer body. Yowza.
1984: Scarlett Johansson
Runner Up: Katharine McPhee
ScarJo, how could it be anyone else? She's still so fucking got it. As for Kat McPhee, she's still got it as well and she's stayed relevant by appearing on TV.
1985: Gal Gadot
Runner Up: Kaley Cuoco
Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman, enough said. Kaley's been one of my faves for a while and she still is.
1986: Emilia Clarke
Runner Up: Alexandra Daddario
Holy fuck this year is also packed. First off, I love Emilia Clarke. Her smile melts my heart. And Alexandra Daddario literally IMO has the best body in Hollywood. The ones I wish I could've included were Teresa Palmer, Oona Chaplin, Kat Dennings, and Brittany Snow.
1987: Karen Gillan
Runner Up: Lyndsy Fonseca
This wasn't quite as good as 1986, surprisingly. Karen's recently come onto the scene and boy she's pretty. Lyndsy I've known from HIMYM for a while and I still find her very attractive. The only other ones I considered were Rose Leslie and Blake Lively.
1988: Vanessa Hudgens
Runner Up: Alicia Vikander
I've always liked Vanessa... she doesn't seem to age much. Alicia surprised me with how young she is, less than a year older than me. Others I considered were Emily Browning and Emma Stone.
1989: Lily James
Runner Up: Elizabeth Olsen
My birth year!! Now I know I said 1982 and 1986 were impressive but it's nothing compared to my birth year, 1989. Holy shit! I'm amazed how many well-known and beautiful actresses have made it from my year of birth. Lily is just my bae and my #1 celebrity crush right now. Elizabeth Olsen is up there as well. Ok, for the ones I couldn't include... *takes deep breath* Brie Larson, Nathalie Emmanuel, Lily Collins, Nina Dobrev, Juno Temple, Hannah Murray, Hayden Panettiere, Lucy Hale, Jane Levy, Ashley Benson, Lorenza Izzo and Kelly Marie Tran. *Phew!*
1990: Emma Watson
Runner Up: Sophie Cookson
Like I said, I have a thing for British actresses. 4 of the last 5 have been British, with the runner up here as well. Emma's been in my heart since appearing in Harry Potter. I love Sophie in "Kingsmen". The ones I had to exclude were Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lawrence, Eiza Gonzalez, Rachel Brosnahan, Tristin Mays, and Christian Serratos.
1991: Addison Timlin
Runner Up: Emily Ratajkowski
Both my top picks are married, and Addison's starting a family but I don't care, they're still gorgeous. Emily is still in supermodel shape. Excluded were Shailene Woodley, Emma Roberts, and Bonnie Wright.
1992: Daisy Ridley
Runner Up: Vanessa Marano
Wow, another jam-packed year and another British actress at the top. Daisy has stolen my heart ever since she burst onto "Star Wars: The Force Awakens". Vanessa has the perfect contrast of pale skin and black hair. I had to exclude a ton here... here they are: Kaya Scodelario, Cara Delevingne, Emily Osment, Jessica Henwick, Selena Gomez, Kate Upton, and Jennette McCurdy. Yikes.
1993: Adele Exarchopoulos
Runner Up: Miranda Cosgrove
If you haven't heard of Adele Exarchopoulos, it's because she's a Greek/French actress who doesn't do a lot of mainstream stuff except "Blue is the Warmest Color". Let's just say she won me over there. Surprisingly, Miranda Cosgrove got my runner up. Yes, annoying little Megan from "Drake and Josh". I had to exclude Naomi Scott, Olivia Cooke, Letitia Wright, Maika Monroe, Debbie Ryan, Hunter King, Victoria Justice, and Ariana Grande. Another jam-packed year.
1994: Taissa Farmiga
Runner Up: Lucy Boynton
Well now we're getting into a bunch of names I don't recognize. Taissa wins it easily. Lucy I've only seen in Bohemian Rhapsody. There weren't many others (Dakota Fanning and Saoirse Ronan).
1995: Sammi Hanratty
Runner Up: Laura Marano
This was a bit harder than 1994 to choose from but not by much. Sammi wins it easily, she's so adorable. Laura appears on this list just like her sister Vanessa, and both were runners up. Had to exclude Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid.
1996: Anya Taylor-Joy
Runner Up: Sophie Turner
Just when I think I won't see many more recognizable faces 1996 smacks me in the face! This was a tough one. Anya is gorgeous and I love her in everything she's in. Sophie from Game of Thrones... well I had to. The ones I had to exclude? They are Zendaya, Hailee Steinfeld, Kaitlyn Dever, Katherine Langford, Abigail Breslin, Rosabell Laurenti Sellers, and Ella Purnell. Wow!
1997: Odeya Rush
Runner Up: Camila Morrone
Not as many this year but still a few. Odeya wowed me in "The Giver" and Camila in "Death Wish". Ones I had to exclude were: Maisie Williams, Chloe Grace Moretz, Bella Thorne, Kylie Jenner, and Stefania Lavie Owen.
1998: Ariel Winter
Runner Up: Peyton List
Well we're getting near the end. If you've seen Ariel on "Modern Family" in the more recent seasons you know what I'm talking about. I don't recall seeing Peyton in anything but she was the only other one I could come up with. That's it.
1999: Katelyn Nacon
Runner Up: Joey King
Wow, we end with a bang. Katelyn is just a perfect brunette... nothing I'd change about her. Joey has grown up into a beautiful woman with a great body. Had to leave out quite a few: Kiernan Shipka, Bailee Madison, Nell Tiger Free, Sabrina Carpenter, Lily-Rose Depp, and Kerry Ingram.
Well, that's it! I could try to go to 2000, as they are of age, but I couldn't find enough there. I might update this list as I discover actresses (and as time goes on).
1960: Julianne Moore
Runner Up: Valerie Bertinelli
This was no contest. Julianne Moore may have sex appeal until she's 70. Had to look a bit to find my runner up, Valerie Bertinelli.
1961: Lea Thompson
Runner Up: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lea Thompson is aging like fine wine. She's been hot ever since "Back to the Future" and "All the Right Moves". Haven't heard of it? You should check it out. JLD is a fairly close 2nd.
1962: Jennifer Jason-Leigh
Runner Up: Demi Moore
Not a lot to choose from here... special shoutout to Diane Franklin as she was a fox in the 1980s but now... she just missed the cut. JJL wins without much competition. I've never found Demi Moore that attractive, surprisingly, but even I can see is still pretty.
Edit: This originally had Kelly Preston (RIP), and out of respect for her, I have removed her from this.
1963: Gail O'Grady
Runner Up: Jennifer Beals
I'll be honest; I haven't seen Gail O'Grady in anything, but a quick Google search told me enough. Jennifer Beals is a runner up where there wasn't much to choose from.
1964: Marisa Tomei
Runner Up: Mary-Louise Parker
Now this was a tough one. Marisa's certified MILF status and MLP still has it. I had to leave out Courteney Cox and Monica Bellucci, among others.
1965: Sherilyn Fenn
Runner Up: Diane Lane
Sherilyn Fenn in the 90's... wowza. Diane Lane is aging pretty gracefully, but I had to go with my personal preference.
1966: Salma Hayek
Runner Up: Helena Bonham Carter
I think I picked the overwhelming favorite. Salma is easily the hottest Latina actress over 45. I've noticed a lot of ladies with three names, and HBC is yet another of them. Yet none of them have been my favorite... yet.
1967: Kari Wuhrer
Runner Up: Miranda Otto
Kari gets it by just a bit. She oozes more sex appeal than Miranda (and has done more scenes of that nature).
1968: Molly Ringwald
Runner Up: Naomi Watts
Molly plays moms usually nowadays and she's still hot. Naomi was the runner up because she's aged pretty well.
1969: Jennifer Lopez
Runner Up: Amy Pietz
I know, no Jennifer Aniston. Anyway, J-Lo was a clear frontrunner. No contest. Amy Pietz, if you don't know her, was most notably Donna on the office, one of Michael Scott's flames.
1970: Rachel Weisz
Runner Up: Jennifer Connelly
Into the 70s and I find quite a few beautiful actresses. Had to go with Rachel Weisz as I've liked her for a while. Jennifer Connelly is the runner up, because I mean come on.
1971: Christine Taylor
Runner Up: Cara Buono
Ben Stiller is a lucky man. I've always liked Christine Taylor (maybe not so much when she wore a bald cap on "Friends", lol). Cara Buono is known for recently playing the MILF on Stranger Things, mom to Mike and Nancy.
1972: Sofia Vergara
Runner Up: Alyssa Milano
Sofia is a Columbian goddess. She's got everything. Alyssa is aging well, and she beat out Gabrielle Union and Amanda Peet for runner up.
1973: Kate Beckinsale
Runner Up: Lena Heady
Kate's just gorgeous and has been for a while. Haven't seen her in much, though. Lena's most known for "Game of Thrones" and looked pretty hot, usually in the earlier seasons.
1974: Jenna Fischer
Runner Up: Penelope Cruz
I love Jenna. She's perpetually going to be a MILF to me now. Penelope is aging very well and doesn't look as old as she does. I had to leave out Elizabeth Banks (too many unsexy roles) and Amy Adams (never found her sexy) and Eva Mendes.
1975: Marion Cotillard
Runner Up: Christina Hendricks
Marion is maybe the sexiest French actress... ever. Such beautiful blue eyes. Christina makes it mainly because of her two... assets. Best in Hollywood.
1976: Diane Kruger
Runner Up: Michelle Monaghan
Oh man this year was tough. Had to leave off Reese Witherspoon, Amy Smart, Melissa George, Carice Van Houten, Anna Faris, and Isla Fisher. Diane's just hot... even without makeup. Michelle's just got a natural beauty about her where again, she doesn't need makeup.
1977: Melanie Lynskey
Runner Up: Marguerite Moreau
This one was just as tough, but for a different reason. Not as many contenders, but it was tough to decide who was #1. I choose Melanie because she's defied Hollywood and remained curvy, which I like. Marguerite is aging really well and has such a gorgeous smile.
1978: Aimee Garcia
Runner Up: Zoe Saldana
Aimee has stolen my heart after she was on Dexter. She's so hot; got the nicest little ass. Zoe is gorgeous but I'm not as sexually attracted to her.
1979: Rosario Dawson
Runner Up: Jennifer Morrison
This surprised me too. Rosario doesn't look 40, yet she is. Wow. Jennifer Morrison was hot on "How I Met Your Mother" and that wasn't too long ago.
1980: Eliza Dushku
Runner Up: Olivia Munn
Another tough one. I chose Eliza; I've had a crush on her for years. Olivia Munn beat out Nazanin Boniadi among others for the Runner Up.
1981: Krysten Ritter
Runner Up: Summer Glau
Two bad-ass actresses here. Krysten was Jessica Jones and kicked ass. Summer was Cameron Phillips on "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles".
1982: Hayley Atwell
Runner Up: Priyanka Chopra
I am hereby declaring this the best year for hot actresses. Holy shit. The ones I had to exclude were Jessica Biel, Sophia Bush, Jenny Slate, Elisha Cuthbert, Gina Carano, Lacey Chabert, Allison Brie, Esme Bianco, Lauren Cohan, Cobie Smulders, Kelly Clarkson, and Yvonne Strahovski. Phew! Hayley Atwell is just damn near perfection and I love her. I mean, if Captain America is willing to go back in time for her... And Priyanka Chopra is easily the hottest Indian actress... maybe ever.
1983: Felicity Jones
Runner Up: Camilla Luddington
As you might be able to tell, I have a thing for British women. Felicity just has such kissable lips. And Camilla just has a killer body. Yowza.
1984: Scarlett Johansson
Runner Up: Katharine McPhee
ScarJo, how could it be anyone else? She's still so fucking got it. As for Kat McPhee, she's still got it as well and she's stayed relevant by appearing on TV.
1985: Gal Gadot
Runner Up: Kaley Cuoco
Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman, enough said. Kaley's been one of my faves for a while and she still is.
1986: Emilia Clarke
Runner Up: Alexandra Daddario
Holy fuck this year is also packed. First off, I love Emilia Clarke. Her smile melts my heart. And Alexandra Daddario literally IMO has the best body in Hollywood. The ones I wish I could've included were Teresa Palmer, Oona Chaplin, Kat Dennings, and Brittany Snow.
1987: Karen Gillan
Runner Up: Lyndsy Fonseca
This wasn't quite as good as 1986, surprisingly. Karen's recently come onto the scene and boy she's pretty. Lyndsy I've known from HIMYM for a while and I still find her very attractive. The only other ones I considered were Rose Leslie and Blake Lively.
1988: Vanessa Hudgens
Runner Up: Alicia Vikander
I've always liked Vanessa... she doesn't seem to age much. Alicia surprised me with how young she is, less than a year older than me. Others I considered were Emily Browning and Emma Stone.
1989: Lily James
Runner Up: Elizabeth Olsen
My birth year!! Now I know I said 1982 and 1986 were impressive but it's nothing compared to my birth year, 1989. Holy shit! I'm amazed how many well-known and beautiful actresses have made it from my year of birth. Lily is just my bae and my #1 celebrity crush right now. Elizabeth Olsen is up there as well. Ok, for the ones I couldn't include... *takes deep breath* Brie Larson, Nathalie Emmanuel, Lily Collins, Nina Dobrev, Juno Temple, Hannah Murray, Hayden Panettiere, Lucy Hale, Jane Levy, Ashley Benson, Lorenza Izzo and Kelly Marie Tran. *Phew!*
1990: Emma Watson
Runner Up: Sophie Cookson
Like I said, I have a thing for British actresses. 4 of the last 5 have been British, with the runner up here as well. Emma's been in my heart since appearing in Harry Potter. I love Sophie in "Kingsmen". The ones I had to exclude were Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lawrence, Eiza Gonzalez, Rachel Brosnahan, Tristin Mays, and Christian Serratos.
1991: Addison Timlin
Runner Up: Emily Ratajkowski
Both my top picks are married, and Addison's starting a family but I don't care, they're still gorgeous. Emily is still in supermodel shape. Excluded were Shailene Woodley, Emma Roberts, and Bonnie Wright.
1992: Daisy Ridley
Runner Up: Vanessa Marano
Wow, another jam-packed year and another British actress at the top. Daisy has stolen my heart ever since she burst onto "Star Wars: The Force Awakens". Vanessa has the perfect contrast of pale skin and black hair. I had to exclude a ton here... here they are: Kaya Scodelario, Cara Delevingne, Emily Osment, Jessica Henwick, Selena Gomez, Kate Upton, and Jennette McCurdy. Yikes.
1993: Adele Exarchopoulos
Runner Up: Miranda Cosgrove
If you haven't heard of Adele Exarchopoulos, it's because she's a Greek/French actress who doesn't do a lot of mainstream stuff except "Blue is the Warmest Color". Let's just say she won me over there. Surprisingly, Miranda Cosgrove got my runner up. Yes, annoying little Megan from "Drake and Josh". I had to exclude Naomi Scott, Olivia Cooke, Letitia Wright, Maika Monroe, Debbie Ryan, Hunter King, Victoria Justice, and Ariana Grande. Another jam-packed year.
1994: Taissa Farmiga
Runner Up: Lucy Boynton
Well now we're getting into a bunch of names I don't recognize. Taissa wins it easily. Lucy I've only seen in Bohemian Rhapsody. There weren't many others (Dakota Fanning and Saoirse Ronan).
1995: Sammi Hanratty
Runner Up: Laura Marano
This was a bit harder than 1994 to choose from but not by much. Sammi wins it easily, she's so adorable. Laura appears on this list just like her sister Vanessa, and both were runners up. Had to exclude Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid.
1996: Anya Taylor-Joy
Runner Up: Sophie Turner
Just when I think I won't see many more recognizable faces 1996 smacks me in the face! This was a tough one. Anya is gorgeous and I love her in everything she's in. Sophie from Game of Thrones... well I had to. The ones I had to exclude? They are Zendaya, Hailee Steinfeld, Kaitlyn Dever, Katherine Langford, Abigail Breslin, Rosabell Laurenti Sellers, and Ella Purnell. Wow!
1997: Odeya Rush
Runner Up: Camila Morrone
Not as many this year but still a few. Odeya wowed me in "The Giver" and Camila in "Death Wish". Ones I had to exclude were: Maisie Williams, Chloe Grace Moretz, Bella Thorne, Kylie Jenner, and Stefania Lavie Owen.
1998: Ariel Winter
Runner Up: Peyton List
Well we're getting near the end. If you've seen Ariel on "Modern Family" in the more recent seasons you know what I'm talking about. I don't recall seeing Peyton in anything but she was the only other one I could come up with. That's it.
1999: Katelyn Nacon
Runner Up: Joey King
Wow, we end with a bang. Katelyn is just a perfect brunette... nothing I'd change about her. Joey has grown up into a beautiful woman with a great body. Had to leave out quite a few: Kiernan Shipka, Bailee Madison, Nell Tiger Free, Sabrina Carpenter, Lily-Rose Depp, and Kerry Ingram.
Well, that's it! I could try to go to 2000, as they are of age, but I couldn't find enough there. I might update this list as I discover actresses (and as time goes on).
10 Hottest Marvel/Avengers Ladies
With Avengers Endgame out in theaters and absolutely CRUSHING the box office, I thought I'd rank the 10 Hottest Marvel and Avengers actresses. They're lucky to have such beautiful and talented women take part in this saga. I'm going to rank my ten favorites, from "Meh" to "Yowza!" Also there will be spoilers so don't say I didn't warn ya.
10. Cobie Smulders, Agent Maria Hill
Cobie's gorgeous and she's at 10. Yeah. She played Agent Hill terrifically and I hope she's not done with that character.
9. Evangeline Lilly, Hope Van Dyne/The Wasp
I was a bit skeptical about Kate from "LOST" being a superhero, but she pulled it off so well. This is the only kind of wasp I'd ever want near me.
8. Tessa Thompson, Valkyrie
She's got such a great mix of cultures in her DNA: Mexican, Afro-Panamanian, British... Yep she's definitely easy on the eyes.
7. Letitia Wright, Shuri
I don't really find pure black women that attractive but there's something about Letitia Wright. I think it's her coyness and her intelligence shown on screen.
6. Zoe Saldana, Gamora
She somehow managed to be a part of the two biggest box office hits in history, and she was a delight in both. I just wish she hadn't died, but Thanos had to sacrifice someone.
5. Brie Larson, Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel
I'm honestly surprised she's this low. I think she's beautiful but I haven't seen her in quite enough to get that attracted to her.
4. Karen Gillan, Nebula
It's crazy how in real life she's a redheaded British bombshell but in Avengers (and Guardians) she's just this blue, hairless alien. Not quite as attractive. But I still would with Nebula. Just not as much as the actress who plays her.
3. Elizabeth Olsen, Wanda Maximoff/The Scarlett Witch
It's amazing how Elizabeth has become a much larger name than her twin sisters, at least in the entertainment industry. Elizabeth has an amazing body and I'm glad her character was brought back from the snap.
2. Hayley Atwell, Peggy Carter
I know why Captain America stayed "back in time". It was for her. And I certainly don't blame him. I wonder if they had any kids? If I was CA, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of her.
1. Scarlett Johansson, Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow
She's been here since the start. Well, since Iron Man 2, which was one of the first few MCU films. It's such a shame she had to die (Why couldn't Hawkeye have died instead?!) but her beauty and power will always be remembered.
10. Cobie Smulders, Agent Maria Hill
Cobie's gorgeous and she's at 10. Yeah. She played Agent Hill terrifically and I hope she's not done with that character.
9. Evangeline Lilly, Hope Van Dyne/The Wasp
I was a bit skeptical about Kate from "LOST" being a superhero, but she pulled it off so well. This is the only kind of wasp I'd ever want near me.
8. Tessa Thompson, Valkyrie
She's got such a great mix of cultures in her DNA: Mexican, Afro-Panamanian, British... Yep she's definitely easy on the eyes.
7. Letitia Wright, Shuri
I don't really find pure black women that attractive but there's something about Letitia Wright. I think it's her coyness and her intelligence shown on screen.
6. Zoe Saldana, Gamora
She somehow managed to be a part of the two biggest box office hits in history, and she was a delight in both. I just wish she hadn't died, but Thanos had to sacrifice someone.
5. Brie Larson, Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel
I'm honestly surprised she's this low. I think she's beautiful but I haven't seen her in quite enough to get that attracted to her.
4. Karen Gillan, Nebula
It's crazy how in real life she's a redheaded British bombshell but in Avengers (and Guardians) she's just this blue, hairless alien. Not quite as attractive. But I still would with Nebula. Just not as much as the actress who plays her.
3. Elizabeth Olsen, Wanda Maximoff/The Scarlett Witch
It's amazing how Elizabeth has become a much larger name than her twin sisters, at least in the entertainment industry. Elizabeth has an amazing body and I'm glad her character was brought back from the snap.
2. Hayley Atwell, Peggy Carter
I know why Captain America stayed "back in time". It was for her. And I certainly don't blame him. I wonder if they had any kids? If I was CA, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of her.
1. Scarlett Johansson, Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow
She's been here since the start. Well, since Iron Man 2, which was one of the first few MCU films. It's such a shame she had to die (Why couldn't Hawkeye have died instead?!) but her beauty and power will always be remembered.
Friday, May 3, 2019
Hitting Rock Bottom
I've hit rock bottom. Being terminated from a retail job is just that. I hate that it happened and I hate myself for what I did. I want to go back in time and undo what I did. And I am about as depressed as I (hopefully) will ever be. Don't worry, I don't do self-harm. That's just stupid (IMO).
I'm lucky to have friends and family that care about me. A sister who is just the world's best sister. Parents who've done so much for me. And I made friends at my job, a lot of whom I may never see again (at least not on a regular basis anymore). I let everyone in my life down. It's the worst feeling. Part of me feels guilty, part of me feels wronged. What I did certainly merits punishment, but termination? I was hopeful that I'd be back in a limited or restricted role, but nope. It's just a terrible feeling. I want to scream, punch something, destroy everything.
I'm hoping in the end this'll turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Maybe if I hadn't made the mistakes that got me terminated, I would've been stuck at Safeway forever. I would not have wanted that. Numerous times in my ten years there I thought about leaving. I'd apply for a job once in a while, but nothing became of it. Since I had my job to fall back on, nothing urged me to go for another job. It will be nice to do something different. No longer will I have to help those asshole Safeway customers. There are certain customers I will certainly not miss, and knowing I don't have to see them anymore certainly cheers me up. There are a few customers I will miss, but there are more that I won't.
I have tried to make the most of my time away from work. Cleaning, organizing, cooking dinner for my girlfriend on a fairly regular basis. It's given me a chance to clear my head and enjoy not having to work. But I also feel guilty. My roommate and girlfriend both work five days a week and I feel guilty for not working while they are. In this manner I do look forward to a new job and working again, even if it involves helping customers.
Lastly, I am afraid. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I have social anxiety. I'm good with people I know, but when it comes to strangers and new people, I just crumble. I always second guess what I do or say around new people. Therefore it makes it tough for me to get a new job. I'm anxious that I won't be able to get a job because of this. My anxiety gives me anxiety. I just have to suck it up. I have savings to live off for a bit but not for terribly long. Like I said before, I mostly feel guilty that my roommate and girlfriend are working but I'm not. Here's hoping an employer takes a chance on shy and anxious me, because if they do I will be their hardest working employee. I will not make the same mistakes again.
I'm lucky to have friends and family that care about me. A sister who is just the world's best sister. Parents who've done so much for me. And I made friends at my job, a lot of whom I may never see again (at least not on a regular basis anymore). I let everyone in my life down. It's the worst feeling. Part of me feels guilty, part of me feels wronged. What I did certainly merits punishment, but termination? I was hopeful that I'd be back in a limited or restricted role, but nope. It's just a terrible feeling. I want to scream, punch something, destroy everything.
I'm hoping in the end this'll turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Maybe if I hadn't made the mistakes that got me terminated, I would've been stuck at Safeway forever. I would not have wanted that. Numerous times in my ten years there I thought about leaving. I'd apply for a job once in a while, but nothing became of it. Since I had my job to fall back on, nothing urged me to go for another job. It will be nice to do something different. No longer will I have to help those asshole Safeway customers. There are certain customers I will certainly not miss, and knowing I don't have to see them anymore certainly cheers me up. There are a few customers I will miss, but there are more that I won't.
I have tried to make the most of my time away from work. Cleaning, organizing, cooking dinner for my girlfriend on a fairly regular basis. It's given me a chance to clear my head and enjoy not having to work. But I also feel guilty. My roommate and girlfriend both work five days a week and I feel guilty for not working while they are. In this manner I do look forward to a new job and working again, even if it involves helping customers.
Lastly, I am afraid. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I have social anxiety. I'm good with people I know, but when it comes to strangers and new people, I just crumble. I always second guess what I do or say around new people. Therefore it makes it tough for me to get a new job. I'm anxious that I won't be able to get a job because of this. My anxiety gives me anxiety. I just have to suck it up. I have savings to live off for a bit but not for terribly long. Like I said before, I mostly feel guilty that my roommate and girlfriend are working but I'm not. Here's hoping an employer takes a chance on shy and anxious me, because if they do I will be their hardest working employee. I will not make the same mistakes again.
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